


poem weaver

by tia37



Series: poem weaver [1]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bullying, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Gen, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, elementary teacher ouma, single father saihara
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 13:12:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12984792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tia37/pseuds/tia37
Summary: Years after his wife's passing, Saihara Shuichi still struggles to cope. It gets harder to think, to breathe, and some days he wishes he could stop moving and disappear. The only thing keeping him together is his daughter, and nowadays even she isn't enough to ease the pain.A decade after graduation, Ouma Kokichi still hides behind deceit and lies. But he made his choice all those years ago, and now it's too late for regrets.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> One thing I really dislike about Saiouma/Oumasai fics is that Saihara's relationship with Akamatsu is brushed aside so easily. Like... after the first execution, he just forgets about her and hops on Ouma's dick??? nO that is not how it works ok.
> 
> Akamatsu played an important role in his character development. She gave him the courage to face the truth, and her death is what really hammered that lesson in. If not for Akamatsu, Saihara would have never exposed his protagonist ahoge. 
> 
> I don't know, just... give Akamatsu some credit, okay? She's important to him.

“Otou-san, wake up! It’s my first day at school!”

Shuichi groaned and sat up, rubbing the sleepiness from his eyes. He looked at the clock on his bedside. 5.00 am. The sky was still dark, but Shiori had turned on every single light in the room in an attempt to wake her father. Shuichi swallowed his irritation at her and forced a smile instead. “Alright, I’m up. Give your old man some time to get washed up, okay?”

Shiori beamed. “Don’t take too long, otou-san! I don’t want to be late!”

Saihara Shiori, his precious daughter. She was born six years ago on March 13 to Saihara Shuichi and Akamatsu Kaede, on the same day her mother passed away. She died a few hours after childbirth, the last word that ever passed her lips being her daughter's name.

Six years later, Shuichi still missed her.

“I won’t, I promise. Meanwhile, can you put some rice in the rice cooker? Two cups should be enough.”

“Can I make miso soup while the rice cooks?” Shiori begged.

“Only with me around,” Shuichi said. As independent as she was, Shiori was only six. It was dangerous to let a child cook on their own. Shiori pouted and ran off, but Shuichi knew she would listen to him. He forced himself out of bed and into the shower, making sure to leave the heater off so that the cold water would shock him awake.

When Shuichi was done with his shower, he quickly toweled his hair dry and got dressed in his usual clothes (a white button up and dress pants) before glancing at the clock again. 5.15 am. He opted to leave his tie for later and headed for the kitchen.

“Rice is almost done!” Shiori said.

Shuichi smiled. “Very good, Shiori. Now, would you kindly prepare the miso soup while I make the rest of your bento?”

“Really? I can make the miso soup?”

Shuichi nodded. “Sure, I did tell you that you could make miso soup if I was around to supervise you.” 

Shiori beamed. “Well, I won’t mess up. I’ll make otou-san proud!”

Since Shuichi prepared most of the ingredients last night, he did not have much to do to prepare their bentos. He simply placed the cooked chicken and vegetables in, and once the rice was done he spooned that in as well. He made two bentos, one for Shiori and one for himself, and set them aside. By then, Shiori had finished making the miso soup, so they sat at the dining table and enjoyed their meal in a comfortable silence.

There was still a lot of time after they were done, so Shuichi took the time to braid Shiori's hair. Shiori had her father’s hair, black that had a slight bluish tint if the light shone at it in a certain way. There was even a stubborn few strands of hair that refused to cooperate with him, so he simply opted to ignore it and hoped others would pass it off as a deliberate hairstyle choice.

Shuichi’s heart lurched. Kaede had hair like that, too.

"Otou-san, are you done?" Shiori asked. 

"Y-yeah," Shuichi faltered. He let the braids fall from his hands, tucking them behind Shiori's ears. "All done. Do you want to look at yourself in the mirror?"

"Yeah!" Shiori hopped down from her chair and to the bathroom. Shuichi followed her automatically, his body moving before his mind gave the command to. Shiori used a stepping stool to reach the mirror, fiddling with her braids as she scrutinized her reflection in the mirror.

Shuichi could not look away. Shiori had Kaede's eyes.

"Hmph, I guess this is okay," Shiori huffed. "I want Chabashira-sensei's cool hair ribbons next time, though!"

"I have no idea where to get those kinds of ribbons." Shuichi admitted. "I suppose we could ask Chabashira-san when we go for Aikido this Sunday."

"Yay!" Shiori cheered. Shuichi picked up his daughter by the armpits and hoisted her over his shoulder. She giggled and squirmed, but surprisingly did not put up much resistance. He carried her back to the kitchen and placed her yellow hat on her head, making sure it would not fall off her head.

“Alright, let’s get you to school," Shuichi declared.

“But otou-san, it’s only seven! School starts at eight thirty.”

Shuichi scratched the back of his neck nervously. “A-ah, sorry. I need to be at work by eight.”

"But it's my first day at school..." Shiori whined.

Shuichi sighed dejectedly. "I'm sorry, Shiori."

He was. The first day of school was extremely important to all Japanese children, and most parents did not miss the occasion. Shuichi, however, had to see this client today. The client was offering a ridiculous sum of money for his request as long as Shuichi himself took the case. He could sustain the detective agency, pay the house loan, Shiori's school fees and still have enough left over to live comfortably for at least two months.

“It’s okay! I understand that your work is really important, otou-san.” Shiori smiled brightly while saying those words, but Shuichi could feel the sadness in her voice. "We can always spend the weekends together!"

Shuichi smiled bitterly. Shiori had even inherited Kaede's forgiving spirit.

* * *

Shuichi was so caught up in his work that not only did he forget to eat his packed bento, he was already fifteen minutes late to pick Shiori up from school. He gave the bento to Samidare (the poor girl was so thin anyway, she needed to eat more) and rushed out of the office, not bothering to say his goodbyes like he usually did.

Hopefully the other detectives would think their boss was chasing a lead and not skiving off work.

He hopped on his bicycle and peddled off at full speed. By the time he reached Shiori's school, his shirt was soaked through with sweat and he was heaving to catch his breath. He stood at the school gates, gasping for breath with his hands on his knees for a good few minutes.

When Shuichi lifted his head, he was greeted by the sight of his daughter holding hands with an older boy. His first instinct was to growl at the boy and tell him to back off from his daughter before he realized that the boy was too well dressed to be a mere student. Sure, Hope's Peak was known for being home to many rich kids (unless the children's parents were alumni), but there was something about the way that boy was dressed. Polished leather shoes, dress pants, a formal vest and a matching tie. It clicked in his head when he saw the stack of papers in the other male's hand. This person was Shiori's teacher. 

He bowed deeply. “I’m sorry, I’m late! Please forgive me!”

“No worries, it was just half an hour, Saihara-san. Shiori-chan, your father’s here!”

“Yes, Ouma-sensei!” Shiori gave a playful salute to the teacher.

Shuichi paused. Ouma? That was a name he had not heard in years. It was probably a coincidence, he tried convincing himself. But when he lifted from his bow to look at the teacher, _really_ look this time…

The teacher was short, the top of his head barely reaching Shuichi's chin. If not his voice being distinctly male, Shuichi would have definitely mistaken him for a female. It did not help that Ouma’s hair was tied up in a small ponytail near the nape of his neck, since long hair was usually reserved for females in Japan. His hair was black, but if Shuichi turned his head slightly he could see the familiar tinge of purple in it. When Ouma tilted his head in curiosity with his finger on his chin, Shuichi could see the similarities between the teacher and his old classmate.

“Ouma…kun? Ouma Kokichi-kun?” The words escaped Shuichi’s mouth before he even realized he said them.

Ouma looked just as surprised, if not more. “Eh? Might this actually be my beloved Saihara-chan?”

Just hearing Ouma call him Saihara-chan brought back a flood of memories. Memories of being in the prison school, spending three years recovering from despair's influence with everyone else. The warmth of Ouma's hand in his, fingers entwined together. Time spent in silence in the privacy of their dorms, the only time when Ouma never lied. The spark between them neither of them were willing to acknowledge.

And of course, graduation day. The day Ouma ruined everything.

Shiori tugged at his sleeve, breaking Shuichi out of his thoughts. “You know Ouma-sensei, otou-san?”

Then, it hit him like a ton of bricks. “Ouma…sensei?!” Shuichi exclaimed. Ouma was a teacher at Hope's Peak Elementary? More importantly... he was Shiori's homeroom teacher?!

“Nishishi, is it really so difficult to believe that I became a teacher? Why, you have such little faith in me, Saihara-chan!” Ouma's eyes started going cloudy, but Shuichi knew him well enough to know that those were crocodile tears. 

If Shuichi was being honest, it was not strange at all. Ouma always had a playful spirit, retaining a childlike behavior despite being surprisingly jaded with the world. Shuichi had seen it for himself, how much he cared for the other members of his group of pranksters to the point of neglecting to care for himself. It was not difficult for Shuichi to envision Ouma surrounded by children, teaching them about the ways of the world. Somehow... it suited him.

(Shuichi wondered how Maki would react if she knew Ouma worked with children. He made a mental note to bring it up the next time they met.)

“A-anyway, thank you for looking after Shiori today. I’m counting on you to take care of her for the next year, Ouma-sensei.” Shuichi bowed again to express his gratitude.

Ouma waved his hands in dismissal. “No need to be so formal, Saihara-chan. Hearing you call me 'sensei' gives me the chills.”

Shuichi released himself from his bow. For the second time today, the words came out of his mouth before he even realized he said them. “Then… Ouma-kun, will you come over for dinner sometime? We haven’t met in years, and I’d like to catch up with you.”

Ouma smiled. “…really? You’d sit at a dining table with me after what I did?”

Shuichi hesitated for a brief second, but steeled his resolve. Sure, what Ouma did was beyond repulsive, but Shuichi wanted to give the small boy _(man, Shuichi corrected himself, Ouma was now a man)_ a chance. It had been a decade, surely it was time to move on. “I’m trusting you with my daughter. I can trust you enough to have a meal with you.”

Ouma laughed. “Fair enough. Here’s my number and email address." He took out a business card and placed it in Shuichi's hand. There was a spark when they touched, but Ouma pulled away before Shuichi could acknowledge it happened. "Call me anytime, Saihara-chan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fic is called 'poem weaver' because that's Shiori's name. The fic is really about her as much as it is about Saihara and Ouma, because she was the one who brought them together. 
> 
> I wanted Saihara and Akamatsu's child to be one of the Warriors of Hope, but I realized that all the Warriors of Hope were pretty badly abused and Saihara would never do that to his kid. Sooo we ended up with an OC instead.
> 
> Initially, I wanted Akamatsu to die by hanging (suicide) because she accidentally caused Amami's death, but like... that was too much of a pain to write. So she just died in childbirth. It was just unnecessary drama anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No angst my ass. Should change my username to tiangst or some shit.

When Shuichi got home, he texted Ouma to tell him his number and arrange a date and time for dinner.

SS: Hey, Ouma-kun. This is Saihara Shuichi. When are you free for dinner?

OK: omg saihara-chan haaaai  
OK: uh i'm free all day everyday! just for you, saihara-chan ;)  
OK: just kidding, nishishi. saturday good for you?

SS: Yes, that's fine. Here's my address. [Location] Would it be alright for you to come at seven?

OK: alright, see you on saturday :)  
OK: or rather whenever you come and get shiori-chan from school  
OK: buuut i'll still see you on saturday :) and that's not a lie, ok???

Shuichi put down his phone and looked at his daughter, who was clinging to the cuff of his sleeve. He reached out to pet her head affectionately. "When is dinner with Ouma-sensei?" Shiori pestered.

"This Saturday," Shuichi replied. "What should we prepare for your sensei?"

Shiori put her hand over her mouth as she thought, a habit she got from her father. "I dunno... do you think he likes spaghetti? Everyone likes spaghetti!"

If Ouma was the same ten years ago as he was now, then he would eat anything anyone fed him. Despite being absurdly tiny, the man had a voracious appetite. Shuichi remembered during their school days, everyone learnt to invite Ouma to meals last because he would demolish their entire stock of food within minutes.

_(Once, in the safety of his dorm, Shuichi asked Ouma why he ate so much. Ouma forced a too-wide smile and told him that supreme leaders always took care of their subordinates. Now that he had no subordinates in the prison school, he should indulge himself.)_

"I think spaghetti will be fine," Shuichi conceded. Spaghetti was Shiori's favorite dish, so she would definitely eat more than usual on Saturday. Ouma liked sweet things, so he decided to prepare a simple dessert, something that Shiori would enjoy too. Brownies with ice cream was a safe bet. He made a mental note to prepare enough food for six people despite only having two adults and one child to feed. "How was school today?"

Shiori started talking about her new friends, but Shuichi tuned her out halfway. He was too distracted by the thought of having dinner with Ouma. 

Class 79 (or 53, depending on who you asked) had yearly gatherings. Some years a few people did not turn up, but everyone made an effort. As the years passed, Kaito spent more time in space and was unable to attend. Yumeno traveled the world as an internationally renowned magician and, though she made an effort to schedule her shows around the gathering she had missed a few years or two. Even Amami had missed it once, his flight having been delayed due to bad weather conditions. Ouma, though, was the only one who never attended any gatherings.

Gonta had brought it up once. He asked the rest of his ex-classmates why Ouma never appeared for any meetings. Everyone stared blankly at Gonta. No one had the heart to tell Gonta that no one had invited Ouma, and that no one wanted to invite Ouma in the first place.

Gonta never brought up the subject again.

And now, Shuichi was inviting Ouma into his house. Ouma would know where Shiori was at any given time of the day, because she would only be at school, home or Shuichi's office (the location of which was easily googled). 

Shuichi made his decision. He would let Ouma into his house and assess if he was a threat to Shiori. If he was, Shuichi would pull Shiori out of Hope's Peak Elementary and place her in another school. If that failed, well...

Shuichi would secure Shiori's safety at any cost.

 

* * *

The week flew by quickly, and soon it was Saturday.

It was the first week of school, so Shiori did not have lessons on Saturday yet. Unfortunately, Shuichi had to meet someone and he could not afford to skip the meeting. He rode to work on his bicycle with Shiori sitting behind him, her small hands wrapped around his waist. When they reached the detective agency, he let Shiori hop off first before parking the bicycle in a corner and entering the small building.

The employees at the detective agency were understanding people. They knew he struggled to find a stable work-life balance as a single father and were sympathetic when he brought his daughter to work. It helped that Shuichi brought Shiori to work almost everyday for the first six years of her life and they were all familiar with her.

"Shiori-chan!" Samidare squealed. She reached out to envelop the girl in her arms. "I haven't seen you in a while! How's school?"

Samidare Yui. Age 33, unmarried, DSC number 885. She was in charge of cases where a child was forcefully taken by another parent after a painful separation, which happened more often than people would imagine. It would explain her soft spot for Shiori, the only daughter of a single father. Despite being a few years older than Shuichi, he could never stop thinking of her as a young girl because of how youthful she looked and acted. 

"Are you cataloging us in your mind again, boss?" Amino asked.

Amino Eigo. Age 35, unmarried, DSC number 307. He started by specializing in business spies, but had recently expanded his specialties enough to handle all types of business crimes. Because of the relatively slow pace in which business crimes had to be solved (there was a lot of waiting involved), his DSC number rose rather slowly, which Shuichi privately thought was a shame. 

"Maybe," Shuichi admitted. It was his fatherly instinct. No one unworthy was taking even the slightest glance at his little girl.

"As expected of a double zero detective." Amino threw an arm around Shuichi's shoulder. "Lighten up, boss. Maybe we can go for drinks after work, hmm?"

"Sorry, I have plans," Shuichi replied apologetically. "Meeting an old classmate for dinner." He looked around the office, surprised to see that there was a vacant seat. "Where is Nanamura-san?"

Nanamura Suisei. Age 37, married to an unknown woman, DSC number 900. He specialized in murder, and he was very good at what he did. He was the only other double zero detective in the agency apart from Shuichi. Shuichi could not comprehend why he stuck around in this small detective agency if he was that good. He could join the local police force, or open his own detective agency, or even strike out on his own. He told Shuichi once that he liked the slow pace around here and was willing to give up a higher pay for a less stressful job.

"Went to chase a lead," Amino responded. "Uozumi-chan's still overseas, as you know."

Uozumi Taehime. Age 20, unmarried, DSC number 756. Because she chose to specialize in art crimes, she was overseas most of the time. Initially, Shuichi was reluctant to hire her because of her age, but a quick reminder from her that the Saihara and Kirigiri lines of detectives both started training their children to do detective work at a young age made him reconsider. He hired her eventually, partly because he saw potential in her but also because Shiori had taken a liking to her and he could not bear to break his daughter's heart.

His beautiful, darling daughter. Would she be alright here? Even if he trusted Samidare and Amino, there were so many enemies he had made over the course of his detective career. What if someone broke in and-

Amino flicked Shuichi in the forehead. Shuichi reeled back and rubbed where he was hit. "Stop thinking so much, boss. Shiori-chan will be fine."

"Overthinking is what fathers do, dic- dummy," Samidare called from the other side of the room. "Ignore him, Saihara-san. Kyoko-chan is waiting in your office."

"Thanks, Samidare-san," Shuichi said as he walked to the back and saw Kirigiri sitting on the sofa, her arms crossed in front of her. He closed the door behind him softly and took a seat opposite her.

Kirigiri Kyoko. Age 30, married to Naegi Makoto, DSC number 900. Like Nanamura, she specialized in murder of all types, though Shuichi had seen her solve cases unrelated to murder before. Like Shuichi, she was trained to be a detective since she was young. She started her detective career at the tender age of 13, fighting tooth and nail to reach where she was today. Though the rest of the Saihara detective agency did not know, Kirigiri was actually an agent of the Future Foundation, a subsidary of the Naicho. Any case that came from Kirigiri was immediately made his top priority. 

"Here are the files," Kirigiri said, pushing a file across his table. No greetings, no small talk, just cutting straight to the point. Shuichi skimmed through the files quickly. Immediately, he understood why Kirigiri gave him this case. Very few detectives were authorized to take the case because of the overlap in specialties. 

DSC numbers were given to detectives based on their specialty and level of skill. The first number denoted the type of crime the detective specialized in, while the second went into more detail on the subset of that specialty. The third was a testament of their skill. The lower the third number, the more skilled the detective was.

Shuichi's DSC number was 003. The first two numbers denoted that he was authorized to take any case that passed his desk. When he first started out as a detective, he helped his uncle solve all sorts of cases, making him the only detective so far to be registered in the DSC as a double zero detective right from the get go. His flexibility was his strongest suit, but being spread among a number of cases instead of focusing on one type made him slightly weaker in terms of deductive skills.

"Kirigiri-san, you're a more skilled detective than I am. By taking this case and solving it, you could become a triple zero detective," Shuichi pointed out.

"Don't sell yourself short, Saihara-kun. Very few people are able to solve just about any case. Besides, I'm happy solving homicides for now. Grandfather's offered to give me more cases but that would take my focus away from the Future Foundation."

Shuichi's gaze sharpened. If the case was not from the Future Foundation, then Kirigiri was here for another reason. In fact, why had he not caught on before? Kirigiri could simply email him the case files; she had done so before. Kirigiri never did anything without a reason, and his detective instinct was telling him that he would not like the real reason she was here.

Kirigiri tucked a lock of hair behind her ears. "You know, I took a look at my grandfather's files. The only reason you're not a triple zero detective yet is because-"

"I'm a Remnant of Despair? Yes, I am aware," Shuichi replied coldly.

Kirigiri sighed. "You _were_ a Remnant. There is a difference."

"Not to the Future Foundation, no." Shuichi stood up abruptly, cutting off their meeting. He knew he was being rude, but the subject of his criminal past made him touchy and he just wanted out, _now_. "Is there a reason you took the time to come down here, Kirigiri-san? If not, I would like to start working on the case now."

"I came to check up on you," Kirigiri replied bluntly. "Yui-nee has been concerned about your mental health."

The files in Shuichi's hands crumpled in his fist. "With all due respect, how I'm doing is none of Samidare-san's business."

Kirigiri eyed him suspiciously. "Yui-nee was right, you aren't feeling well. You're showing symptoms of falling back into despair."

"I am not. Falling back. Into despair." Shuichi gritted out.

"It's best to take precautionary measures before it's too late." Kirigiri whipped out her phone and started typing an email. "I'm scheduling weekly appointments with a therapist for you. They're not optional."

"What can you do if I don't go, _Kirigiri-san?_ "

"Shiori-chan will be separated from her father," Kirigiri said.

Shuichi slammed his palms on his desk. A wave of panic rushed through him. "You can't do that." He could handle being stripped of his detective status, or being thrown into prison, anything. But he could not handle losing Shiori.

"I can and I will." Kirigiri leaned back into her chair, crossing her arms and legs. Cocky. Arrogant. "If you're acting like that, Shiori-chan isn't safe from you."

Shuichi narrowed his eyes. "Are you insinuating that I would harm my only daughter?"

"I'm not insinuating it. I'm _saying_ it. People who fall into despair are capable of anything."

That was the last straw. Shuichi lunged across the desk and grabbed Kirigiri by the collar. How dare she snoop around in his personal life, barge in here like she owns the place and threaten to take his daughter away from him. He would never hurt his daughter, he loved her too much to do so. Just because that bitch was from the Future Foundation, she thought she knew what despair was. No, she would never understand. No one but those who had been inflicted with despair would ever understand. Being a slave to your own mind, the knowledge that what you were doing was wrong but the feeling of it being so _right,_ _her_ _voice at the back of his mind, **whispering**_ **-**

"Otou-san?"

And just like that, the spell broke. Shuichi let go of Kirigiri's collar and staggered back, hitting the wall as he did so. He looked at his palms shakily and back at Kirigiri herself, and then to Shiori. The realization of what he did set in. He had just physically threatened Kirigiri Kyoko, a high ranking member of the Future Foundation. Him, a Remnant of Despair.

And his daughter had walked in on it.

"I... I'm so sorry, Kirigiri-san! I don't know what came over me, I just..." Shuichi stammered out his apologies, but they both knew it was too late. 

Kirigiri raised a gloved hand to silence him. "This confirms it. You're falling back into despair. The trigger is reminding you of your part in the Remnants and, if Yui-nee is correct, your deceased wife." Shuichi flinched violently, and it apparently confirmed Kirigiri's suspicions. "Weekly therapy sessions, Saihara-kun. I'll send you the details later. Remember, they're not optional." Her point made, she stood up and left the room.

Shuichi slid onto the floor and buried his head in his hands. He fucked up.

"Otou-san!" Shiori rushed to his side and clung to him. He lifted his head to look into her worried eyes. "What's wrong? Are you hurt?"

The fact that Kirigiri was allowing Shiori near him meant that she was giving him a second chance. All her had to do was to play along with her, attend therapy and convince Kirigiri and the Future Foundation that he was fine, even he knew he would never be. He had not been fine since Kaede's death, he would not be fine after a few therapy sessions. Nevertheless, it was a game. Prove that he was able to keep the festering anger in check, and they would allow him the only thing that kept him alive.

"I'm fine now, Shiori," Shuichi replied. He brought Shiori in to a tight hug. "As long as I have you, I'll be fine."

Shuichi steeled his resolve. He would keep Shiori by his side at any cost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some people might find Saihara's reaction a little extreme, but I beg to differ. In Japan (or rather, any East Asian country), 'face' is a very important concept. You cannot lose 'face' at all cost, because that's like dishonor on you, your family and your cow. No, that's not an exaggeration. If you make a mistake, your entire family is judged. Kind of like... why didn't her parents teach her better? If that happens it's called "throwing face" or 丟脸. Google translate calls it shame but it's really... different from shame. It's its own emotion, really.
> 
> "Throwing face" basically means that you did something that is considered socially unacceptable and you're suffering from dishonor. But it doesn't only extend to actions, it can also extend to your social status. Saihara being a part of the Remnants is considered "throwing face", or 丟脸, because it is associated with criminal behavior. Even his status as a single father is considered "throwing face" because people who don't know him might assume that his wife left him because he was a bad husband. And considering how Japanese wives don't like to divorce their husbands, whatever their ex-husbands did for them to file for divorce must be really bad.
> 
> On top of that, seeking help for mental health is something that is considered 丟脸 in East Asian countries. Kirigiri is basically embarrassing Saihara by pointing out that he was a Remnant and insinuating that he needs to get his head checked, and she's also doing it in a way that backs him in a corner and leaves him no escape. Which is the worst form of 丟脸.
> 
> I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS SUBTLE ASIAN WEIRDNESS OK I'M SORRY I'M NOT A VERY GOOD ASIAN (sob)
> 
> (I mean, it could also be the despair taking over Saihara that's causing him to act that way. But we'll never know, huh?)


	3. Chapter 3

Shuichi made excuses to everyone and collected his belongings, planning to head home for the day. He avoided eye contact with Samidare, who was before having a conversation with Kirigiri. Now, she was just observing him.

As far as Shuichi knew, Samidare and Kirigiri had a relationship that went back to when Kirigiri first started her detective career, which was a decade and a half ago. Apart from Shuichi, Samidare was the only one who knew of Kirigiri's true identity as an agent of the Future Foundation. Of course, he did not know that Samidare and Kirigiri were acquainted until Kirigiri dropped by (for an inspection, she said) and they exchanged greetings.

Shuichi never mentioned that he was a Remnant to any of the other detectives, and if any of them knew they were polite enough not to say it in his face. His status as a Remnant was no secret though; anyone with a Japanese citizenship could access the list of known Remnants, their current status and whether they were still active or not. It made sense that Samidare, of all people, would have been the one to report him to Kirigiri.

Logically, he could not fault Samidare for reporting him to Kirigiri or for Kirigiri to force him into therapy. The Remnants of Despair were one of the most dangerous criminals, and people infected with despair had the most potential to cause harm to others. It was best that any seeds of despair be identified and stamped out as soon as possible.

Emotionally, however, how _dare_ she threaten to take Shiori away from him.

"Saihara-kun," Kirigiri called.

Shuichi stopped, his hand resting on the doorknob.

"Next Saturday, 6pm. I've texted you the location. Don't be late."

Shuichi left without a word, taking his daughter with him. He did not want to stay in the room a second longer with Kirigiri.

 

* * *

 

Shuichi spent the next few hours shopping for groceries and preparing for dinner with Ouma. Though pasta was a relatively simple dish to make (it took less than half an hour for Shuichi to finish cooking), Shiori had insisted on helping. Shuichi resigned himself to doubling his cooking time and let Shiori help him in the kitchen.

Though if he was being honest, cooking with Shiori was a good bonding experience. Shuichi took over cooking spaghetti entirely because there was an open flame involved, while Shiori made the brownie mix by following the instructions on the box. Surprisingly, Shiori was able to prepare the brownie mix by herself, though her arms got tired from whisking a few times and Shuichi had to take over. They had fun pouring the thick brownie mix into the pan, then pouring the leftover brownie mix directly into Shiori's mouth. Shiori was covered in brownie mix after that, so he shooed her to take a quick shower before Ouma arrived.

When the doorbell rang, Shuichi knew immediately who it was. He walked to the door and opened it. "Welcome, Ouma-kun."

Ouma Kokichi. Age 29, unmarried, homeroom teacher for grade 1 at Hope's Peak Elementary. Former Ultimate Supreme Leader and Remnant of Despair. Frankly, Shuichi did not know much about him. Or rather, Shuichi did not know if what Ouma told him about his past was the truth because of his knack for lying. What he did know was that Ouma was an orphan, he formed a group of pranksters called DICE that Hope's Peak acknowledged as a talent, then fell into despair with the rest of Class 79. To recover from despair, they spent three years in the Ultimate Academy for Gifted Juveniles as Class 53, alongside other teenagers from around Japan who had also fallen into despair.

Dressed in a white dress shirt and formal pants, a blazer draped around his left forearm, Ouma looked like the ideal image of a teacher. "Thanks for having me, Saihara-chan!" Then he yawned, and the spell was broken. "Aaaaah, I'm beat. Visiting parents the entire day is tiring!" He loosened his checkered tie and slipped it off his neck, stuffing it into his pocket.

"Then, thank you for visiting us even though you're tired, Ouma-kun."

Ouma nodded gravely. "Yeah, I'd rather much be back at home taking a nap." Upon seeing Shiori's crushed expression, he changed his tune. "Just kidding, that was a lie! I'd never pass up the opportunity to spend time with my beloved Saihara-chan! Though now it's my beloved Saihara-chan _s_."

Shiori hopped over to her teacher. "Is it our turn to be visited, Ouma-sensei?"

"I'm here, aren't I?" Ouma said.

Shiori threw herself at Ouma's leg and clung on tightly. "I missed you, Ouma-sensei!" Shuichi raised an eyebrow in surprise at the scene before him. Shiori was notoriously shy around strangers and could not even look at them in the eye, let alone initiate physical contact with them. For Shiori to be doing this, she must trust Ouma a lot. 

"What, even though you see me almost every day?"

"Yeah!"

Ouma smiled and ruffled the top of her head. "Yeah, yeah. I missed you too, Shiori-chan." Judging by the warmth in his eyes, it was not a lie.

Shuichi gestured to the inside of the house. "Dinner's ready. Please come in and have a seat, Ouma-kun."

"Well then, sorry for intruding~!" Ouma kicked off his shoes and stepped inside. He hung the blazer on a nearby coat rack and skipped inside, chattering with Shiori as he did so. Shuichi took the opportunity to run to the kitchen and throw the brownies in the oven to bake. Shiori was busy telling Ouma about what she did after school, and what they had in store for today's dinner.

"Otou-san cooked pasta! I love pasta! I bet Ouma-sensei will love it too!"

Ouma gave Shuichi a knowing look. Shuichi responded by chuckling nervously. "I can't say no to her," he explained.

"She's a daddy's girl, isn't she." It was not phrased as a question.

"She is," Shuichi admitted freely. 

"Well, since this is an official parent-teacher meeting..." Ouma bowed slightly. "Thank you for your generosity, Saihara-san. I will strive to pass on my knowledge to your daughter to the best of my abilities."

"W-wait, this is an official meeting?" Saihara exclaimed. He thought this was just a meeting between old classmates. If he had known, he would have taken the time to dress up a little bit or at least straighten his clothes...!

Also, seeing Ouma being so formal with him was sightly off-putting. Back in their school days, Ouma was not known for being polite. In fact, he went out of his way to be as impolite as possible, crossing boundaries and teasing people with no restraint. Though, Shuichi supposed he needed to have some restraint as a teacher. Maybe Ouma being a teacher would change him for the better. 

Ouma gave Shuichi a sly smile. "Wellllll.... I am supposed to meet with all the parents of children in my class. But since we arranged this meeting privately, I guess we'll have to meet some other day, hmm?" He dragged a random chair out and took a seat at the dining table while Shuichi served their food.

"Ouma-sensei, how were the other parents? Were they as cool as mine?"

"S-Shiori, don't say that..." Shuichi said as he sat beside Shiori, but Ouma cut in.

"I haven't met some parents yet. But so far, Shiori-chan has the best father! He even cooked dinner for his daughter's teacher! That makes him the best!"

"Yay!" Shiori cheered. They said their usual greeting of "thanks for the meal" and Shuichi watched in slight amusement as both Ouma and Shiori demolished the plate of food in front of them. How much pasta could these two tiny humans hold? Shuichi was slightly curious.

Once Ouma had swallowed all his food, he asked, "By the way, where is Akamatsu-chan? I wanna say hi!"

Immediately, the atmosphere in the room turned frigid. Shiori looked down and started twiddling her thumbs, not fully understanding the situation but feeling the tension in the air. Shuichi's fork hovered over his food shakily. "Kaede passed away a few years ago," Shuichi explained coolly. He tried to keep his expression neutral, but he knew Ouma could read him like a book.

Ouma's eyes widened slightly. "O-oh. I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"It's fine. How have you been, Ouma-kun?"

Ouma took the hint and steered away from that topic. "Great! To be honest, I just got my teaching license a few months back. Hope's Peak asked me to teach at their elementary division, so I moved here recently." He took another huge bite of the food and swallowed it almost immediately. Shuichi absently wondered if he chewed or even tasted his food. "Wow, this is great, Saihara-chan! I would've never pegged you as a good cook!"

"Thank you, Ouma-kun," Shuichi said politely. "If I may ask, why an elementary teacher? I'm sure you could get a job as a middle or high school teacher."

"Not as a Remnant of Despair." Shuichi blinked in surprise at the blunt honesty, and Ouma started laughing. "Nishishi, just kidding! I think I get along better with younger children."

Shiori, who was sitting beside Shuichi, tugged at his sleeve. "Otou-san, what's a Remnant of Despair?"

Shuichi looked down at his food. How could he tell his daughter that the Remnants were a group of criminals that committed heinous crimes in the name of Enoshima Junko and despair? Her opinion of her father would change, and she would hate him. Then he would lose custody of her and she would be taken away from him forever.

Ouma, sensing Shuichi's hesitation, cut in. "The Remnants of Despair are people who fell sick with a disease called despair. We had to live in the same high school for three years while we got better. That's where I met your parents."

Shiori thought for a while before nodding. "That's cool! So today when otou-san wasn't feeling well, it was because he had despair?"

When Ouma looked in his direction sharply, Shuichi felt himself wither. "...Kirigiri-san thinks it might be," he admitted, because it would be useless to deny it. Ouma could read everyone like a book, but for some reason he picked up on Shuichi's moods faster than he did with the others.

For a while, Ouma looked at Shuichi with an unreadable expression. Then, he frowned deeply. "Eh? You know the headmaster?" 

Shuichi scratched his head. "Headmaster? Kirigiri-san is a detective."

"Different Kirigiris then. Think they're related?"

The conversation continued. They remembered that their senior from Class 78, Kirigiri Kyoko, was the headmaster's daughter then. Ouma wondered why Headmaster Kirigiri had not stepped down yet since he was well into his sixties, but Shuichi pointed out that it was probably his passion for teaching that kept him going.

They talked about Shiori's performance in school. Despite only starting school a week ago, Ouma had to give each parent an assessment of their child and how they should improve. Shuichi expected Shiori to be shy, but he did not expect her to not utter a word during group projects. He promised Ouma he would talk to Shiori about it tomorrow.

Eventually, Shiori started yawning, so Shuichi excused himself to put Shiori to bed. When he emerged, he was surprised to see that Ouma was not preparing to go home but instead was lounging in the backyard with his back leaning against the wall, looking at the stars. Shuichi walked to the fridge to grab a can of cold beer, then grabbed his packet of cigarettes from the side table and headed to where Ouma was standing. "Want a smoke?" he asked.

"Sure. I've smoked dozens of times before as the Ultimate Supreme Leader, you know, during meetings with yakuza and mafia. I don't smoke now because of the children, but if my beloved Saihara-chan is offering I won't say no!"

In Ouma-speak, that meant he had never smoked a cigarette in his entire life and would probably never have touched a cigarette had Shuichi not offered him one but was also too polite to reject him outright. "You don't have to feel pressured to accept if you don't want to, you know," Shuichi said, putting the cigarette back into its packet.

Ouma tiptoed and pried the cigarette from Shuichi's fingers. "I'd like to understand why Saihara-chan smokes. You didn't seem like the type to indulge in such vices like that, at least back in our school days."

Shuichi thought hard about the reason he smoked. Amino was the one who had gotten him into it, and he had never been able to quit. Or rather, he did not want to quit because smoking would give him an excuse to step away from Shiori for a while. He just wanted one thing in his life that did not revolve around his daughter. But telling that to Ouma seemed like a bad idea, so he settled on telling a half truth. "It relaxes me. I'd drink too, but Shiori gets upset if she sees me drunk or hungover." 

He lit Ouma's cigarette, then pulled out one for himself and lit that too. "It's bad for your health. And Shiori-chan's," Ouma protested.

"I never smoke around Shiori." Shuichi rattled the can in his hands. "Beer?"

"You literally just said Shiori-chan doesn't like it when you drink." Despite saying that, Ouma took the can of beer from Shuichi and cracked it open. He took a sip, then passed it to Shuichi to share. Shuichi snorted privately and took a swig from the can.

Then, he blurted out the first question that came to his mind. "Why a teacher?"

"I told you-"

"No, you told me why you're an _elementary_ school teacher. Not why you chose to teach."

"Oh, so that's what you were asking. Sorry, I didn't notice." Shuchi sighed internally at Ouma's lie but allowed him to continue. "I like children a lot, and that's not a lie. Besides, I needed a new job. I can't be the Ultimate Supreme Leader without subordinates to lead."

Shirogane may have been Enoshima's successor, but she was not half the skilled manipulator Enoshima was. She brainwashed Class 79 into despair, but most of Class 79 were apprehended before they could do any serious damage to themselves or others. Despite that, Class 79 was still classified as Remnants of Despair by the Future Foundation on the basis that they were infected by despair, but the truth was they would never come close to the infamous Class 77-B, who brought despair onto themselves and others by doing the unthinkable.

Shuichi himself had been brainwashed by Shirogane, so he got off lucky. He staggered between bouts of despair and clarity, begging his uncle to kill him and end his suffering. His uncle had tied him up and called the police after Shuichi attacked him, so Shuichi never killed anyone when he fell into despair. For people like Hoshi, Tojo, Angie, Shinguji and Ouma, who had been manipulated by Enoshima Junko herself, they had no lives to return to after recovering from despair.

Hoshi had killed his girlfriend first, then proceeded to mass murder a bunch of innocent civilians, believing that they were yakuza who killed his girlfriend. Tojo was convinced that the only way to save the country was to manipulate politicians into destroying the country from within. Angie sacrificed her entire island of people to appease her God, Enoshima Junko. Shinguji killed his older sister and, in an attempt to comfort his dead sister, killed a hundred more women.

Ouma had tortured his group of harmless pranksters to death, then used their dead bodies and his knack for manipulation to fuel despair.

"Kirigiri-san - the detective - told me that I was falling into despair," Shuichi confessed. "If I don't go for the therapy sessions she arranged for me, she'll take Shiori-chan away."

Ouma drew in a deep breath, then released a puff of smoke. If Shuichi was right and Ouma had never smoked before, he was doing a very good job at hiding his inexperience. "That's not good. Shiori-chan obviously loves you a lot. She'd be devastated if you left."

The nicotine in his systems was starting to relax his mind, making his thought slow down. "Ouma-kun, if you don't mind me asking, how did it feel when you fell into despair for the second time?"

Fake cheer was written all over his body language, but Shuichi did not buy it. "It was awesome! Despair is the best thing ever! Saihara-chan, if you ever get bored, you should give despair a shot!"

"The truth, Ouma-kun," Shuichi said simply.

Ouma looked at Shuichi with an eerily blank expression. He snatched the half-empty beer can from Shuichi and chugged everything down in one go. Shuichi glared at Ouma but was only met with a cheeky, coy smile. He went inside the house to get another can of beer from the fridge, slid the door shut again and returned to Ouma's side.

"...I didn't notice. I thought I was normal, you know, just being my usual bratty self." Ouma cracked open the second can and took a sip. "Then suddenly Iruma-chan was in the hospital because Gonta had strangled her with _toilet paper_ , of all things. When everyone thought Gonta had fallen back into despair by himself, I thought to myself, I need to take credit for introducing Gonta to despair. I need to reintroduce everyone to true despair."

"So you did _that_."

"Yeah. I did. And the worst part is, I truly believed I was doing the right thing. And look at where I am now," Ouma chuckled bitterly. "Ten years down the road, everyone still hates me."

They stood in silence for a while, passing the beer can between them and taking long drags of the cigarette. Shuichi did not know what to say, because it was true. Ten years later, no one had taken the initiative to invite Ouma to their yearly gatherings. When they talked about Ouma, not a single positive thing was said. Everytime Shuichi tried to defend Ouma, Iruma would cut in and accuse him of having repressed feelings for Ouma, so he just kept his mouth shut after that. It was easier, especially after Kaede's death.

"Well, it's not like I miss the rest of them anyway. I'm better off without them! I only need you, Saihara-chan!" Ouma was obviously lying, but Shuichi chose not to call him out on it. And judging by the way Ouma was gnawing at his cigarette, he was glad he did not say anything. Despite how much of a brat Ouma was, he still considered his ex-classmates friends. For everyone to turn their backs on him when he needed them most, it must have been betrayal of the worst kind for him. 

"Gonta tried, you know. And Kaede, before she passed away."

"How did Akamatsu-chan pass away?" Ouma asked.

Shuichi took a big gulp of beer before answering. "She died a little after childbirth due to blood loss. They were giving her blood transfusions, but they couldn't stem the bleeding. The blood transfusions prolonged her life just enough for me to say goodbye."

Ouma lowered the cigarette. "I'm sorry, Saihara-chan."

He paused his story to take another swig of beer before continuing. "A lot of people think dying in childbirth is something out of a fairytale. It isn't. I tell people that Kaede's last words were Shiori's name, and they assume it was just a whisper while holding on to her daughter for the last time. It wasn't. It was her screaming for her daughter, screaming in spite of the pain and blood flowing out of her. Blood was dripping down the operating table and pooling at my feet. I had to throw out the shoes I wore that day because the blood had soaked through the sole and the cobbler said it was irreparable."

"Saihara-chan..."

The can of beer was empty now. Shuichi threw it on the ground. It rolled away somewhere. Where, he did not care. He would pick it up tomorrow. "I wasn't even there for the birth at first. I was at work. I assumed everything would be alright because Kaede's pregnancy went smoothly. I thought I'd finish up meeting with the client and hurry to the hospital, but then I received a phone call from the hospital that Kaede was dying and I needed to go over right away. It was supposed to be the happiest day of my life. Now... I have to choose between memorial services for Kaede or celebrating my daughter's birthday."

Ouma reached out to grab Shuichi's hand. "You know, even if you aren't falling into despair, you should go. For therapy, I mean. There are obviously things that are weighing on you. Being a single father is tough, right? You could talk about that instead of our past as Remnants. Besides, there's no shame in seeking help for your mental health. If someone is telling you that you need to go for therapy, then you should just give it a shot and see if it helps."

Shuichi examined Ouma closely. There was no hint of a lie in Ouma's eyes, only the truth. So he nodded slowly, acknowledging the truth in Ouma's words. "That makes sense. Thank you, Ouma-kun. I feel a lot better now." 

Ouma let go of Shuichi's hand. "Don't thank me, Saihara-chan. I didn't do anything." That was a lie, but neither of them said anything about it. "When is your therapy session?"

"Kirigiri-san said she scheduled it at 6pm next Saturday. Does Hope's Peak Elementary have after school childcare on Saturdays?"

"We do, but it ends at 6. Can you reschedule?"

Shuichi shook his head. "I don't want to risk Kirigiri-san getting mad at me."

Ouma tapped his chin in (fake) contemplation, then piped out, "Welllll, I thought of a wonderful plan! Since according to the school I haven't officially met with Saihara-chan yet, we can schedule that meeting next Saturday! In return, I'll take care of Shiori-chan for you until you get home and cook me more food!"

There was very obviously some part of that statement that was false, and Shuichi found himself sorting through Ouma's words again to sieve the truth from the lies. Ouma's offer to take care of Shiori after school was genuine, so that just left the official meeting. Shuichi took a drag out of his cigarette before responding. "Ouma-kun, it's okay to say that you want to have dinner together again."

Ouma's cheeks colored a little at being caught, but he recovered from his surprise fast. "Silly Saihara-chan. Why would you think that? I'm just doing this because of Shiori-chan. And now you owe me a favor, so I'm killing two birds with one stone!"

"Of course. Then I owe you, Ouma-kun," Shuichi said simply.

They spent the rest of the night drinking and smoking in a familiar, comfortable silence. It was reminiscent of their days in the prison school, when Ouma would break into Shuichi's room by picking the lock and lie beside Shuichi. They never said a word to each other during those stolen moments, and they never said a word about it outside the safety of their dorms. Ouma always made sure to leave before anyone could catch them together, though he was sure the security cameras in the prison school caught every second of their trysts.

That night, however, Ouma only left after the sun rose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What relationship did Kirigiri and Samidare have? Read the novel Danganronpa: Kirigiri. Disclaimer: I didn't read it, I just pulled the characters out to use as fillers. Amino, Nanamura and Uozumi are from the novel as well.
> 
> For some reason, Japanese teachers visit parents' homes every few months or so. The first visit is a few days after school, and then it just happens every few months or if the teacher needs to talk to the child. I don't know why. I'm not Japanese. I guess it's because they value working together with the parent to raise a kid? (Ha gaaaaaaaay)
> 
> Why wasn't Saihara at his daughter's birth? Well, it's actually kinda weird for Japanese fathers to be there when their wives give birth. I don't really understand why either. Personally, if my husband isn't there when I'm giving birth, I'll beat his ass with the spawn that just crawled out of my vagina.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brain at 3 am: you should write fanfiction  
> Me: shit ur right

Therapy was less painful than Shuichi expected. The counselor, Gekkogahara Miaya, was also a graduate of Hope's Peak Academy and was thus aware of Enoshima's machinations and what the Remnants of Despair had to go through to fall into despair. As shameful as it was to admit, it helped that Gekkogahara was wheelchair bound and was thus not registered as a threat in Shuichi's mind. She only asked him basic details about himself like his name, age, talent and hobbies before sending him on his way.

That night, Shuichi invited Ouma into his house yet again and whipped up dinner for them. After Shiori fell asleep, they took their time catching up on the week's events while smoking and drinking. Ouma complained about Ishimaru-sensei, who according to him had a stick in his ass a mile long. Shuichi shared his progress in therapy with Ouma, though he kept tight lipped about events at work. Friend or not, Ouma was still a civilian. He did not need to be dragged into the world of murders and drug dealing and all sorts of vices.

Eventually, they settled into a routine. Shuichi would leave Shiori in Ouma's care after school from Monday to Saturday. On Saturdays, Ouma would take Shiori back to his own apartment until Shuichi was done with therapy, then they would have dinner together at the Saihara's. Once Shiori fell asleep, they would crack open a few cans of beer and share it while smoking in Shuichi's backyard. This week, Ouma brought the beer and cigarettes.

"Is Shiori doing better at school?" Shuichi asked. Last week, Shiori was still unable to talk to anyone in class. He hoped the situation would improve over time, but he could not help but worry. It had been three weeks, after all.

"She made a friend, at least," Ouma replied. "Utsugi Kotoko-chan. I'm still a little worried though, because Kotoko-chan makes friends with everyone."

Shuichi sighed. "I see." It made him worry too. Shiori had always been hesitant in meeting new people. If only she had taken after Kaede more than him in that regard, she would be doing much better in school. 

Even Ouma seemed to agree. "Shiori reminds me of you," he said. "You're both really shy and need some coaxing to get out of your shells."

Shuichi smiled wryly. "Yeah. Remember our first year in Hope's Peak? I clung to Kaede for half a year."

Kaede was the first person who approached him on her own accord, and he latched on to her and never let go. To be fair, Kaede had taken an interest in him too, and they started going out after graduation. He would have asked her out before, but it seemed wrong to start dating in the prison school, so they made a mutual agreement to start dating only after getting out of the Academy. Then one day Kaede found out that she was pregnant, and the rest was history.

They threw a small wedding, inviting only their ex-classmates to the small reception. Shuichi's uncle walked Kaede down the hall because her parents had disowned her too. They exchanged rings, kissed and moved in to their new house, where they were supposed to live out the rest of their lives.

She was his wife, his best friend and the mother of his daughter. He loved and missed her dearly.

Ouma, sensing that Shuichi was getting lost in his thoughts again, helped him snap out of it. "How's therapy going? Have you talked to your therapist about Akamatsu-chan?"

"Today was the first time I talked about Kaede. I told her that Kaede died in childbirth, but I clammed up before giving any details," Shuichi admitted.

"That's fine. You're making progress, Saihara-chan. That's what matters," Ouma beamed happily. Shuichi flushed a little under the praise. Ouma always had a way with words, but this time he made Shuichi feel like a young boy getting praised by an adult. 

It was strange that he had no problem talking to Ouma about such heavy subjects, yet he could never find the words to express himself when he tried talking about the subject to other people. Maybe it was the booze and nicotine that was making him talk, or maybe it was just Ouma manipulating him to make him feel comfortable. Whatever Ouma was doing, he did not care. He always felt better after their Saturday night sessions. It was as if Ouma had the power to heal his emotional wounds from all those years ago.

Sometimes, Shuichi wondered if Ouma could stop his own pain. "How did you cope after falling into despair, Ouma-kun?"

Ouma hummed, then threw up his hands in mock cheer. "I had my loyal subordinates after all! With them, I am invincible!"

"Ouma-kun..." Shuichi trailed off. He could not find the right way to call the other man out on his lie.

"Nishishi! That was a lie, of course. They're all buried six feet under because of me." His expression changed into a serious one. "To answer your question, I don't."

"Don't?"

"Cope. Neither of us do. Why else do we smoke a whole pack of cigarettes and drink an entire pack of beer every Saturday night?"

"It could be worse," Shuichi pointed out.

"Yeah, but it could be better," Ouma countered.

There was an undeniable truth in Ouma's words, so Shuichi kept his mouth shut and lit up another cigarette.

 

* * *

 

With Golden Week coming soon, their routine would soon be disturbed. Shuichi had made plans to visit Kaito and Maki during Golden Week, so he would have to ditch Ouma next Saturday.

"Are you going anywhere for Golden Week?" Shuichi asked. Golden Week was a time for people to visit their families. Shuichi's parents had disowned him when they found out he was a Remnant and his uncle was currently overseas, so he decided to accept Kaito and Maki's invitation for him to go over to their place. He had already gotten Kaito's permission to bring Ouma over if he wanted to. If he could slowly assimilate Ouma back into the class, then-

Ouma paused for a while and fiddled with the cigarette between his index and middle fingers. "I'm going to visit DICE," he finally said. _Their graves_ , but that was left unsaid.

"O-oh." Shuichi looked away. He had no words of comfort for Ouma. With how cheerful the smaller man acted, it was difficult to remember that in the throes of despair, he had killed ten of the people he considered family in the most gruesome, drawn out way possible. Even though it was possible to recover from despair, it was not possible to regain the lives of those who had died.

Ouma opened a can of beer and chugged it down in one go. When he was done, he wiped his mouth with his sleeve. "What about you, Saihara-chan?"

"I'm going to visit Kaito-kun and Maki-san. I was going to ask if you'd like to join us."

Ouma smiled grimly. "I'd rather not. Harukawa-chan is one of the few ex-classmates I'd rather stay away from." He leaned into the wall, head lolling back to stare at the stars. "Thanks for the offer, though. I really appreciate it, and that's not a lie."

So just Shuichi, Kaito and Maki, huh? Shuichi took a long drag out of his cigarette and blew out more smoke. Just like the old days.

 

* * *

Shuichi hated driving. He was always excessively anxious on the road, leading to him driving too slowly and causing people to honk at him, which made him even more nervous. Besides, a car was just an unnecessary expense considering that both Shuichi's office and Shiori's school were within walking distance, so he never got one. The neighbors gossiped that he did not have enough money to get a car, but he brushed it aside.

(They gossiped about a lot of things, like the fact that Shiori would never grow up properly because she was raised by a single father who was also a Remnant of Despair. Shuichi had learnt to duck his head and pass them by without a word.)

Fortunately, Tsukuba was only a 2 hour train ride away from their house. Unfortunately, it was Golden Week so the trains would be packed. He considered renting a car to drive up to Tsukuba, but he remembered the roads would be just as crowded and decided it was just not worth it.

Instead, he decided to wake Shiori up at five in the morning to get dressed. Shiori chose to wear a pink dress with white frills and a matching sweater, while Shuichi wore a dark blue button up rolled up to his elbows and black dress pants. They ate a quick breakfast to catch one of the earlier trains available. He opted to pick up a housewarming gift for the couple closer to their destination in case the gift got squashed in the train, but he almost forgot. Thankfully Shiori reminded him, so he stopped by at a random shop to get a watermelon and some peaches before continuing his journey on foot.

"Shuichi! And Shiori!" Kaito greeted.

Even after all these years, Kaito never learnt how to wear a jacket properly. He always insisted on wearing it with his right sleeve out, and even the frigid winters could not convince him to put his arm through the sleeve properly. The plain white undershirt and thick pants kept him warm, at least. 

Maki, on the other hand, had taken the time to doll up. She wore a long dress that reached her ankles and a black sweater, along with a beautiful necklace and matching bracelet that Shuichi recognized as the one Kaito gave to her on their wedding anniversary. She had opted not to tie her hair into her usual pigtails, instead letting her long hair cascade down her shoulders. As she fiddled with her hair nervously, Shuichi caught sight of the plain silver band on her fourth finger.

He ran his thumb over his own wedding ring unconsciously.

"Sorry for intruding," Shuichi said as he kicked off his shoes. Shiori mumbled the same phrase as she copied her father. "Here, some fruits for you," he said as he handed over the fruits to Maki. Kaito took them from Maki's hands and brought them over to the dining table.

"You didn't need to, but thanks!" Kaito grinned as he gave Shuichi a thumbs up. "You're the best sidekick ever, Shuichi!"

"What about me?" Maki asked coldly.

Kaito gulped in fear, but recovered almost instantly. "You're my wife now, Harumaki!" Maki nodded sagely and sat down.

The two men exchanged glances. That was a close call.

After Shuichi and Shiori had settled down, the couple insisted they have lunch together. Because she worked in an orphanage as a child caregiver, Maki had much experience cooking for others and soon Shiori was stuffing her face with Maki's cooking. "Slow down, you'll choke yourself," Shuichi coaxed. Shiori only looked at her father with wide eyes, her mouth too full to respond.

Kaito laughed heartily. "Harumaki's cooking is the best, isn't it? I missed it after an entire year in space!"

Shiori swallowed her food before replying. "Oh, you're Astronaut-jii! I didn't recognize you because you grew older!"

Maki choked back her laughter as she watched her husband's face cycle through a series of expressions. Surprise, rage, shame, and eventually settling on defeat. "She's not wrong," Maki pointed out. "You've definitely aged since she saw you two years ago."

"And Astronaut-jii is married to Maki-san!" Shiori declared proudly.

"Why does Harumaki get the normal honorific?!" Kaito yelled. 

"S-So, Kaito-kun, when is your next flight to space?" Shuichi asked abruptly to change the subject.

"Not for a while," Kaito admitted. "I don't think I'll be going back into space for a few years, at least."

"That's a surprise. Is there a reason for that?" God, Shuichi hoped Kaito was not sick again, like when he was in high school. The sight of Kaito coughing out blood day after day, being unable to help him, it was the absolute worst. It did not help that some of their handlers thought it was divine punishment and refused to help when Kaito had his episodes. According to Maki and Kaito, he had recovered fully after stepping out of the prison school and seeking professional help, but one could never be too sure with medical issues. Just like with Kaede...

Kaito cleared his throat and straightened his back. "We have something to tell you, Shuichi. I'm not sure how start. Um, ah... We are-"

Maki cut in impatiently. "I'm pregnant."

Shuichi's eyes widened. "W-wow. Congratulations! How many months...?"

"Three months now."

"I see. That's wonderful news," Shuichi replied.

Shiori tugged at Shuichi's sleeve. "Pregnant... what does that mean, otou-san?"

"It means there's a baby in Maki-san's belly," Shuichi explained. "It takes nine months for the baby to come out, and the baby has been in there for three months. So the baby will be born in six months."

Kaito winked. "And when the little one is born, maybe they'll attend Hope's Peak with Shiori-chan, eh?"

Speaking of Hope's Peak, Shuichi wanted to tell the other two about Ouma. Maki worked with children in an orphanage, and he wondered privately how she would react to the news that Ouma worked with children as well. "By the way, Ouma-kun is a teacher at Shiori's school," Shuichi brought up casually.

Shiori cheered. "Yeah! Ouma-sensei is my homeroom teacher!"

"EH?! That little brat is your homeroom teacher?" Kaito shrieked.

Maki sighed. "Why are you so surprised? Ouma is childish. He'd fit right in."

Kaito scratched the back of his head, embarrassed. "O-oh, nah. I knew beforehand that Ouma was an elementary school teacher. I just didn't think he'd be teaching at Hope's Peak teaching Shiori-chan."

Maki's gaze sharpened. "Wait... you knew Ouma was an elementary school teacher?"

Kaito waved his hand in front of him frantically. "Don't look at me like that! The truth is... Ouma and I still keep in contact. I'm sorry for not telling you, Harumaki, but I knew you'd get mad!"

But, Shuichi noted, Maki was not angry. Instead, she seemed to be in deep thought. "That doesn't make sense," she said.

"What doesn't make sense?" Shuichi asked.

"Ouma can't be a teacher. Not because he was a Remnant of Despair, but he was one of the Remnants with confirmed kills. He shouldn't be allowed to work in a school. I tried to apply to become a teacher, but they rejected me when they found my status as a Remnant with CKs on the government database. It was a long stretch to get them to agree to letting me work in an orphanage, and that's only because I grew up in one."

Shuichi's eyes widened. Of course, convicted criminals with felonies attached to their names could not hold government or teaching positions. He was a detective, how had he forgotten that? "But... Ouma-kun is teaching Shiori. There's no mistake that he is a teacher in Hope's Peak."

"Maybe he lied about something?" Kaito proposed. "Faked his transcripts or... hacked the government database or something?"

Maki shook her head. "Impossible. He's teaching at Hope's Peak, isn't he? Out of all the schools, Hope's Peak would be the first to know if someone was a Remnant. Besides, Hope's Peak hires only through scouting. That means despite knowing that Ouma attended the Ultimate Academy for Gifted Juveniles, the school where people inflicted with despair are shipped to, Kizakura approached Ouma to be a teacher at Hope's Peak Elementary. Kizakura and Kirigiri wouldn't have let someone so dangerous into the school without a reason."

"Maybe Ouma-sensei wasn't a Remnant?" Shiori piped up. 

"Why do you say that, Shiori?" Shuichi asked gently.

Shiori pressed her lips together and frowned. "I don't know! Everyone talks like being a Remnant is a bad thing. I don't really understand but... Ouma-sensei isn't a bad person!"

Shuichi took Shiori's small hands into his. "Remember how your sensei said that despair is a disease? Well, good people fall sick too. You get colds, right? Does that make you a bad person?"

"N-no. I'm sorry, otou-san." Shiori bowed her head.

"It's alright," Shuichi reassured. 

Maki braced a steak knife in her hand and held it centimeters away from Kaito's neck. "By the way, Kaito, what was that about keeping in contact with Ouma without my knowledge?"

Kaito held his hands in front of him in surrender. "U-uh, look. He isn't a bad guy, okay? I can't explain, but he can be trusted."

If this was coming from anyone else, Shuichi would have had his doubts. He was a detective, his job was to doubt everything in order to find the truth. But this was Momota Kaito, his best friend and arguably Ouma's worst enemy when they were in school. They butted heads every single time they crossed paths back then. If the two of them had reached an understanding, then there must be some important truth to be revealed. And Shuichi had an inkling of what it could be.

 

* * *

 

Kaito and Maki had given Shuichi and Shiori a spare room to spend the night in, so they slept in the same bed for the first time in two years. Shuichi was about to doze off when he heard stifled sobbing. He pulled the blankets down and found Shiori curled into a ball, trying hard to hide her tears from her father.

Shuichi sat up on the bed and faced his daughter. "What's wrong, Shiori?"

"I don't want Maki-san to die!" Shiori blurted out.

Shuichi's heart sank. He knew exactly what was coming, and even though he had prepared for it, it was still going to be painful. "She won't die. Why do you think that?"

"Maki-san is pregnant, right? So in order for the baby to come out, the mother has to die. Then Astronaut-jii will have to live alone with a baby." Shuichi's heart shattered when Shiori looked at him with those sad eyes and said, "That's how I was born, right? Okaa-san died for me to live."

The truth was, Kaede did die for Shiori to live. The doctors told him later that they could have saved Kaede at the cost of Shiori's life, but Kaede made the decision to sacrifice herself for her daughter. There were days when Shuichi cursed his dead wife and his infant daughter and wished that they could have swapped places, that he would have Kaede back. But he could not change the past, he could only keep moving forward, so he made do with a child he could not share his problems or grief with.

Since he knew this was coming, he prepared this speech beforehand. "Shiori... do any of your classmates have siblings?"

"Like... brothers and sisters?" Shiori sniffed. "Yeah, Ritsu-chan has an older brother."

"If Ritsu-chan's mother passed away while giving birth to her older brother, she wouldn't have lived to give birth to Ritsu-chan," Shuichi explained gently.

"That... makes sense. But then, otou-san, why did okaa-san die when she gave birth to _me?_ "

Shuichi wished that Ouma was here with them, because Ouma had a way with words. His gift for manipulation could be used to help and harm. He knew how to explain things to children in a simple way that helped them understand, but he also knew how to cushion the harsh truth from them. In Shuichi's job, there was no room for lies. He did not know how to spin words or cushion blows or speak anything but the truth.

So he simply settled with, "I don't know," and watched helplessly as his daughter resumed crying again.

 

* * *

When they were back home, Shuichi opened his laptop and got to work. He typed up the website that listed all the Remnants of Despair and logged in with his identification number and password.

The Remnants were listed in Japanese alphabetical order, so Kaede's name used to be first. Now that she was married and changed her last name, she had moved further down the list right above Shuichi's own name. Now, Amami's name was on the top of the list.

He scrolled past their names as quickly as possible, resisting the urge to flinch when he saw the slash across Kaede's name. A few of the names were bolded, and that meant that they were Remnants with confirmed kills. Those with names in red were active Remnants, but they were slowly being eradicated by the government, whether through rehabilitation or incarceration.

Those with slashes across their names, of course, were the ones who were dead.

Shuichi skimmed through the list, taking note of names that had been added or crossed out over the years. He was surprised to see a fair amount of the Remnants get married, as evidenced by their surname changing. That meant that most of them had been rehabilitated successfully and were living relatively normal lives. Shuichi was also surprised to see that Shirogane's name had turned from red to black; that meant she was no longer in despair. He made a mental note to bring it up to the others and see if they wanted to visit her in prison.

He kept searching for that one person's name and eventually found it. Ouma Kokichi was there, between Owari Akane and Kuzuryu Fuyuhiko, all three names bolded.

But there was something nagging him at the back of his mind. His detective's intuition was going crazy, telling him that he should dig further, that there was something missing. Shiori's words rang through his mind. _Maybe Ouma-sensei isn't a Remannt._

How would that be possible? Ouma's name was on the database. Unless...

His mind drifted to the post it note on Nanamura's computer. The man had a tendency to forget his passwords, so he wrote them down and stuck them in the open where he could see it clearly. Samidare chided him about it often, saying that an untrustworthy person could come in and steal all of his personal data, so Nanamura eventually took it down, but Shuichi still remembered the password.

It was just to confirm a hunch, Shuichi told himself. He was not using Nanamura's password for anything nefarious, and Nanamura would never have to find out. Steeling his resolve, he logged out of his account and used Nanamura's log in to access the database. He scrolled past the same names he saw with his own account, stopping when he reached where Ouma's name was supposed to be.

Ouma's name was not between Owari Akane and Kuzuryu Fuyuhiko.

Shuichi sat at the table and thought. He thought for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There should be enough information for you guys to figure out what happened with Ouma. I'll leave you guys to guess in the comments. I'll be back after my finals (late January). See you guys then!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to keep my chapters below 5k words (out of personal preference; I have ADHD so I can't concentrate with that many words slapped in my face at once) so I considered splitting this chapter into two but I was like, nah. Ten is a nice, round number.

Shuichi rarely received social calls. Uozumi would video call him from whatever country she was currently in at the moment to update him on her progress. Nanamura would call him to confirm some information he had obtained from his investigation. Amino and Samidare preferred to use email or text to communicate, so when they called he knew it was very important and he had to pick up right away.

Kaito and Maki rarely called either. Since Kaito spent most of his time in space or in a JAXA facility, he did not have access to his phone most of the time. Maki was not the kind of person to initiate contact; if Shuichi and Maki texted, Shuichi was the one who initiated the text. In fact, the only person who called him to check up on him was his uncle.

Ouma was one of those people who communicated solely by text. When Shuichi asked him why, he said it was because he had to call parents and to him, Shuichi was not just a parent, he was Ouma's friend.

(At first he said it was because he thought Shuichi was boring, but he backtracked and said he was lying. Shuichi wondered why he bothered telling such obvious lies if he knew he was going to be called out on them.)

So when Shuichi received a call with the name 'Ouma Kokichi' on his phone the Saturday after Golden Week, he picked up even though he was in the middle of therapy. Gekkogahara raised an eyebrow but did not comment.

"Saihara-chan, I'm so sorry, I didn't notice-"

Shuichi cut in Ouma's incoherent rambling. "What happened? Is Shiori okay?"

"She's gone!" Ouma yelled. "I left for a while and she disappeared. The gate guard said she ran out of the school on her own."

"What?" He stood up abruptly, knocking over a few things on Gekkogahara's desk. If he were in a more stable state of mind he would have apologized profusely and straightened up her desk, but the only thing he could think of was _Shiori is gone_. "Where are you?" he demanded.

"I'm looking around the route back to your house. Just... come quickly. Please." Ouma hung up, leaving Shuichi on a dial tone. He pocketed his phone and looked at Gekkogahara pleadingly. If he did not have her permission to leave...

"I wish I could help," Gekkogahara sighed, one hand on her wheelchair. "Go. We can continue this next week."

"Thank you, Gekkogahara-san." Shuichi bowed stiffly and exited the room in a frenzied hurry. He threw open the door to Gekkogahara's clinic, ignoring the odd looks he got from other people as he called for a taxi and got in. 

While Shuichi was in the taxi on the way to Hope's Peak Elementary, Ouma called him again to tell him that he found Shiori in a nearby park. He trembled with relief when he heard the news; at least Shiori was safe. He told the taxi driver to change his destination and practically threw money in the poor man's face when he alighted, telling him to keep the change.

Almost immediately, he spotted Shiori and Ouma sitting on the swings. He ran over to them and knelt in front of Shiori, cupping her face in his hands as he did so. "Are you okay? Are you hurt?" A quick examination told Shuichi that no, his daughter was unharmed, though her puffy eyes told him she had been crying recently. He sighed with relief and pulled her into a tight hug. "Shiori, why did you run out of the school?"

Shiori looked away. "I just wanted to go back home on my own," she said.

Ouma waited until Shuichi was done fussing over Shiori before hopping off the swing and crouching in front of Shiori too. "Shiori-chan, you can trust me. Are you being bullied?"

"I-It's not bullying, they're just telling the truth," Shiori's lower lip wobbled. "I'm sorry, Ouma-sensei. I'm sorry, otou-san. I didn't want to trouble you."

Shuichi and Ouma exchanged a knowing look. Whatever the other children were telling Shiori, it was not good.

They walked back to Shuichi's house in silence, all three of them not willing to be the first to talk. Shuichi held Shiori's hand tightly, afraid that if he let go she would run away again. The moment they got back, Shiori detached herself from Shuichi's hand and headed for her room immediately, leaving him alone with Ouma. 

To his surprise, the first thing Ouma did was get into a ninety degree bow. "Please accept my deepest apologies, Saihara-san. As Shiori-chan's homeroom teacher, I should've noticed what she was going through. I promise to get to the root of the problem as soon as possible."

Shuichi held Ouma by the shoulders and pushed him up from his bow gently but firmly. "Ouma-kun, you don't have to be so formal with me. I would appreciate if you put a stop to the bullying though."

Ouma looked at him in the eye and vowed, "I promise you, Saihara-chan, I will." Shuichi took a moment to examine Ouma and found that, by the steely gaze in his eyes and the way his fists were tightly clenched by his sides, he was serious. "In the meantime, I think we should stop meeting for dinner until the issue is resolved. I think the fact that we meet every Saturday is one of the reasons Shiori-chan is being bullied. They probably think of her as a teacher's pet."

Shuichi felt a wave of guilt wash over him. He never considered that inviting Ouma over for dinner would cause problems for Shiori. And yet, despite the fact that he had caused his daughter to be the target for bullying in her class, he dared to enjoy their Saturday nights together.

He was a horrible excuse for a father.

"Don't look so sad, Saihara-chan," Ouma clasped him on the shoulder. The friendly touch eased his tension a little, but it did nothing for the overwhelming guilt. "I said I'll get to the bottom of it, right? Meanwhile, you should go find Shiori-chan and comfort her."

"Yeah, I should," Shuichi agreed. "Thanks, Ouma-kun." He watched Ouma wave cheerily as he shut the door in his face and locked it.

The first thing Shuichi did was to go to his daughter's room. He knocked on her door hesitantly. "Are you hungry? You must be. You haven't had dinner yet."

There was no response.

He tried again. "I've got the ingredients for pasta. Want to help me cook?"

Again, no response.

Deciding that he would not be successful without bringing food to Shiori's door, Shuichi went down to the kitchen and started cooking. He cut himself while chopping garlic and almost overcooked the pasta, but all in all he finished cooking in record time. He plated a huge portion of pasta, grabbed a fork and spoon and headed up to Shiori's room.

He knocked twice, then said, "I'm coming in." After saying that, Shuichi pushed the door open slowly.

The room was dark, illuminated only by moonlight streaming through the windows. Shiori was sitting in her bed, her knees hugged to her chest. Shuichi set the food on her study table gently and sat next to her, the bed dipping a little under his weight. He put his hand on her arm and waited for her to speak.

It took her ten minutes, but eventually Shiori spoke. "I don't want to be a burden, otou-san."

Shuichi rubbed circles in her back soothingly. "You're my daughter, Shiori. You could _never_ be a burden to me."

Admittedly, there were times when he was frustrated by his inability to parent. Shuichi knew what to do with a baby; he knew that he had to burp them after feeding and that he had to change their dipers, and at first they needed to be fed every few hours but as they grew older the feedings could be spaced apart, but he did not know how to cope with balancing work and taking care of a newborn infant when he was getting less than two hours of sleep a day. He knew that he had to clean and dress Shiori's wounds when she fell, but he did not know what to do when she cried or how he could make her feel better. 

Some people were born with the ability to instinctively know what to do with another human being; Kaede was one of those people while Shuichi was not. Shuichi had always not been the best at talking to people; to this day, he still struggled with expressing himself through words. He needed time to form sentences in his head and even then, he second guessed himself. With Shiori it was even worse; she asked questions about her mother that Shuichi had not been prepared to answer because in the end, he was still finding the answers to those questions himself.

But to say that Shiori was a burden to him? No. She was the light of his life and the reason he survived the past six years. If Kaede had passed away and Shiori had not been there for him, he was not sure if he would still be alive.

"I know that. I know, but..." Shiori shifted uncomfortably in her bed, tucking her chin under her forearm. "I already cause you enough trouble. You have to work hard to earn money and you have to take care of me at the same time. Most of my classmates have a mother and a father, but because I killed okaa-san you have to do everything alone."

"You didn't kill your mother. It was an accident, alright?"

"A murderer is someone who causes someone else's death, right? I caused okaa-san's death. So I'm a murderer."

During the first few years after Kaede's death, Shuichi always got through tough situations by asking himself 'What would Kaede do?'. But this was a situation caused by Kaede's death, if she were around she would not have to deal with it because there would be no situation in the first place. Besides, he already knew exactly what Kaede would do. She would hold Shiori's hand and tell her everything would be alright in the end, but Shuichi did not have the soothing aura Kaede naturally possessed that would allow him to pull it off.

So he thought about what Ouma would do. Ouma would... lie. That was it. He would look at Shiori in the eyes and tell her she was not responsible, all while lying through his teeth. But he could not lie about Kaede's cause of death because it was not in his nature to do so, so he just repeated what he said before.

"Murderers choose to kill their victims. You didn't. Alright? It's not your fault. You're not a murderer." 

Kaede should have lived. She would have done a much better job raising Shiori even without Shuichi around. But Kaede was dead, she died giving birth to Shiori, and she had entrusted Shiori to him. He could not change the past no matter how much he wished for it, so he simply pulled Shiori into a hug and repeated those words until she fell asleep from exhaution. 

* * *

For the next two days, Shiori refused to leave her room. Shuichi had to call Chabashira and tell her that Shiori could not make it for aikido on Sunday, lying that she was feeling ill and could not attend. Chabashira was sympathetic and told him to give Shiori her regards, which made Shuichi even more guilty for lying.

Shuichi had gone to work on Monday, but he left early because he could not concentrate on work when all he thought about was Shiori. He stopped by a store on the way home to buy some sweets (children loved sweets, right?) but when he got home Shiori still refused to talk to him.

Exhausted, he threw himself on his bed and pulled his bolster close. When he missed Kaede, he would close his eyes, pretend his bolster was her and hold it close. He buried his face into the top of the bolster, pretending it was Kaede's hair he was nuzzling. It gave him a little bit of comfort when he felt down, and now was no exception.

Though, Shuichi thought, his imagination was getting better. If he concentrated hard enough, he could feel a faint, slightly fast heartbeat on his chest. His bolster had never been this warm and soft, nor did it have the slight, flowery scent of shampoo attached to it. His bolster was also... laughing?

Shuichi threw off the covers and saw Ouma Kokichi himself, hands over his mouth to stifle his laughter.

"O-Ouma-kun?"

"Yo, Saihara-chan. Didn't expect to see you here," Ouma grinned mischievously, still struggling to keep his laughter in check.

He flushed. Ouma had been in his bed, and he had hugged Ouma like he would have hugged Kaede. "Why are you in my bed? Did you- did you just _pick my lock?_ " Sure enough, the window was wide open, signifying that Ouma had come through the window.

Ouma sat up and cocked his head curiously. "Why are you so surprised? It's not the first time I've picked your lock."

Sure, Ouma had picked his lock many times, both in Hope's Peak and the prison school. But... "It's a window lock. The lock is on the inside of the house," Shuichi deadpanned. "You can't pick a window lock from the outside."

Ouma giggled. "A Supreme Leader must keep his secrets."

"You could've texted me if you wanted to talk," Shuichi pointed out exasperatedly. His face was still heated up from what had just happened. Had he really just pretended Ouma was Kaede and hugged him like he would a lover?

"Would it help if I said I brought booze?" Ouma pointed out of the window and at the doorstep, and Shuichi realized that there was indeed an entire pack of beer lying at his front door. He pinched the bridge of his nose to curb his growing headache as Ouma made himself at home; stole his keys and opened the front door to drag the pack of beer into his house. He ripped open the pack and placed four beers in the fridge, leaving two cans for him and Shuichi. He returned to Shuichi's room where Shuichi was waiting, too horrified by what had just happened to even move.

Ouma was about to light up a cigarette when Shuichi grabbed his wrist and plucked the cigarette from his fingers. "No cigarettes in the house," he warned.

Ouma sniffled. Crocodile tears began to well up in his eyes. "S-Saihara-chan is so mean. He gets me addicted to smoking, and now he won't allow me to smoke? WAAAAH!"

Shuichi shushed him. "Be quiet, Shiori is sleeping." That was a lie, but Ouma did not need to know.

Immediately, Ouma's expression changed. The tears in his eyes disappeared and he looked at Shuichi with an unamused expression. "Fine. It's boring, but it's for Shiori-chan's sake." He plopped himself on Shuichi's (and Kaede's) bed, opening the can of beer and drinking from it. "Shiori-chan didn't come to school today," he said. It was not a question.

"She didn't want to," Shuichi said. He looked at the unopened can in his hands. He was not a fan of unchilled beer, but he really needed to be at least a little tipsy to handle this conversation. He opened the can of beer and downed half of it in one go.

Ouma nodded. "I see. It's because she's afraid, huh." 

"Have you found out who's behind the bullying?" Shuichi asked.

Ouma nodded again. "I have. I really should've noticed earlier; Kotoko-chan took time off school because she's a child actor so Shiori-chan was alone for a few days." He sighed, leaning forward and resting his forearms on his thighs. "Then this girl approached Shiori-chan on her own free will. I thought it was alright because she and Kotoko-chan are good friends, but apparently not. I don't know how word spread that Akamatsu-chan passed away while giving birth to Shiori, but now the entire class knows."

"No wonder Shiori..." he trailed off. _Called herself a murderer_ , but he did not want to say that to Ouma. "Is there anything you can do?"

Ouma bit the fingernail of his thumb, a nervous habit Shuichi recognized from their school days. "I've told them to lay off, but Shiori-chan's obviously going to keep being bullied when I'm not around. If I step in and defend Shiori-chan even more, the bullying will get worse because they'll accuse her of being a teacher's pet. Telling off the girl in charge might result in some serious disciplinary action on my part because she's disabled and a lot of her bad behavior is glossed over because of that." He sighed again, flopping onto the bed and covering his eyes with his forearm. "I've told the headmaster but he refuses to take action until things get significantly worse."

"Because Shiori is the daughter of two Remnants," Shuichi finished.

Even though Shuichi felt frustration at Ouma for not being able to help with the situation, he empathized with the other man. Bullying was a major problem in schools, with most bullying going unnoticed because of the unique method bullies used to target their victims. According to statistics, less than half of bullying cases reported to teachers were resolved.

Besides, it was not Shiori's fault that she was born to two Remnants of Despair or that her mother died in childbirth. If anything, it was Shuichi's fault. If he had been more careful when all his classmates started falling into despair, or if he had paid more attention to Kaede-

Ouma shook his head. "Pfft, nah. It's got nothing to do with you being a Remnant. It's just that that girl's parents donated a lot of money to the school."

It might have been a lie, but Shuichi was not going to comment on it. Despite telling some rather obvious lies, Ouma was still a much better liar than most people gave him credit for. "What's her name?" he asked carefully.

Ouma sat up and grabbed Shuichi's free hand. Shuichi blushed (the incident from earlier was still on his mind) but did not move away. Ouma looked into Shuichi's eyes and said, "Promise me you won't harm her, Saihara-chan."

"I promise."

"Towa Monaca." Ouma snorted when he saw Shuichi's questioning gaze. "Yes, _that_ Towa."

There was only one Towa that Ouma could be referring to, and it was _that_ Towa. The Towa group, a powerful business corporation that controlled most of Japan's robot manufacturing. Slowly, a plan formed in his mind. He knew what he had to do to help Shiori, and he would do it. 

When Ouma left (through the front door this time because Shuichi insisted he could hurt himself climbing down), Shuichi flipped open his laptop and dialed Amino's number on his phone at the same time.

"Amino-san. Yes, it's me. Sorry for calling at this hour, but I need an urgent favor from you. You know the Towa case you recently finished? Yeah, can you forward me the files now? Thank you, I appreciate it."

Shuichi ended the call and watched as the email popped up on his laptop. He would do anything for Shiori.

* * *

 

Shiori did not come out of her room for the entire week.

* * *

On Saturday, Shuichi left his bedroom window open because he knew Ouma would come. And sure enough, he did. When he saw Ouma walking along the street, he whipped out his phone and started filming. Ouma saw him from his bedroom window and gestured to the front door, obviously asking him to open it, but Shuichi just shook his head and pointed into his bedroom.

Ouma then took out his lockpicking set and tried to break into the front door, but Shuichi had already been prepared for that. He barricaded the door with all the chairs in the dining room, preventing the other man from entering the front door. That left Ouma no choice but to scamper up the side of the wall into Shuichi's bedroom.

Ouma, upon entering the bedroom from the window, brushed the dirt off his clothes and glared at Shuichi. "You filmed that?"

Shuichi skipped to the part of the video where the other man started climbing up the wall and showed it to him. "You look like a little monkey. Kinda cute, really."

"Calling me cute?" Shuichi could not see because of the dim lighting, but he could have sworn Ouma was blushing. "If I didn't know any better, I would think you wanted me in your bed again, Saihara-chan!"

Now it was Shuichi's turn to blush. Being reminded of the bed incident made his heart race, just a little. "I just didn't want you to break my window lock again," he claimed.

Ouma pouted. "That's a lie! I never broke it! I just broke into your house from the window."

"You 'picked' the lock because you broke it beforehand. Don't lie, I checked."

Ouma stuck out his tongue. "Boo, Saihara-chan is such a spoilsport."

Shuichi was about to go down and grab some beers from the fridge before Ouma's hand grabbed his wrist. "Yesterday, someone leaked some incriminating documents about the Towa group to the press."

Shuichi hummed but said nothing. Straight to the point, but nothing Shuichi did not expect. He did not turn around to face Ouma.

"Awfully good timing, don't you think?" Ouma pressed.

"It is," he conceded.

Ouma's fingernails dug into his flesh. "You did it, didn't you?"

"I don't care what you think," Shuichi said coldly, finally turning around to face the other man. "I'll do anything to protect Shiori."

Ouma took a deep breath. "Look, please don't do this again. If you do-"

"You'll have to report me to the Future Foundation?" Shuichi retorted.

Ouma's eyebrows furrowed, the very picture of confusion. He was a good liar, Shuichi told himself. Shuichi had to keep that in mind lest he be fooled by Ouma's convincing act. "What are you talking about, Saihara-chan? I just don't want you to fall into despair the same way I did."

Now was Shuichi's chance to go back on what he said. He could pretend he did not know the truth and go along with Ouma's lie, or he could reveal the lie that Ouma had been telling for more than a decade. Ouma had a reason for keeping that secret, and to an extent Shuichi understood why Ouma did what he did. But in the end, Shuichi was a detective. It was his job to uncover the truth.

"A fresh graduate doesn't get scouted to be a homeroom teacher by a prestigious school like Hope's Peak," Shuichi started.

"I am an Ultimate," Ouma countered.

"And allegedly, a Remnant of Despair. But that's your lie, isn't it?"

Ouma gritted his teeth, anger flashing in his eyes. "Did you forget, Saihara-chan? I killed my family in the name of despair."

"Kirigiri-san - the headmaster - wouldn't have let you into the school if you were dangerous. Besides, at least one member of DICE is still alive. I only remember one of their names from our days at Hope's Peak, Tanaka Mika, but I did some digging on her. She's a registered nurse now."

"Tanaka Mika is a very common name, Saihara-chan. And that doesn't change the fact that I manipulated Gonta into killing Iruma-chan."

"But you didn't. Gonta and Iruma-san were working with you to stage the incident, right?" Shuichi caught Ouma falter for a split second but he continued pressing on. "People in despair hurt those close to them, but Gonta tried to kill Iruma-san even though he wasn't close to her. The only thing Gonta and Iruma-san have in common is _you_. He also used toilet paper instead of his bare hands to strangle her because it would guarantee her survival. Am I right, Ultimate Supreme Leader Ouma Kokichi-kun?"

The silence between them stretched for what seemed like forever. Eventually, Ouma caved. He smiled grimly, hands raised in surrender. "As expected of the Ultimate Detective."

So he was right. Ouma had lied about being a Remnant of Despair, he faked the deaths of ten of his closest associates to get close to the Remnants of Class 79 to apprehend them one by one. That was why Class 79 had been caught so easily; it was not because Shirogane's brainwashing was lacking in any way or that Class 79 were not as good Ultimates as Class 77-B, it was because Ouma had been working to take them down from within.

"I take my job seriously. I promised Kaede I would uncover the truth no matter what," Shuichi replied neutrally.

Ironic, that the entire class believed that Ouma was the worst of them when he was actually the only one without a criminal record. Worst of all, they shunned him while they were the ones who should be thanking him for pulling them out of despair. Did Kaito know this? Kaito knew this and kept the truth from all of them?

"Since Towa Haiji took over, the Towa group has not been involved in any criminal activity," Ouma insisted. "Did you uncover that truth as well?"

Of course he did. Amino's notes were detailed to the point of giving specific dates where Towa Tokuichi passed his legacy onto his firstborn son, Towa Haiji, and the last known illegal transaction being on that date. But there were also some specific details about the Towa family he did not leak to the press. "Did you know that Towa-san is the one who caused his little sister's paralysis because she's an illegitimate child? He beat Monaca-chan until she couldn't walk. If anything, he deserved to have his empire crumble beneath his feet."

Ouma gritted his teeth. "You promised me, Saihara-chan."

" _You_ promised me that you'd stop the bullying." Ouma flinched violently, but Shuichi pretended not to notice. He had enough of Ouma's lies. "Besides, I never harmed Monaca-chan. I never lied."

They stood like that for a while, breathing heavily and staring at each other, neither of them willing to budge. Again, Ouma was the first to cave. "I'm sorry, Saihara-chan. As an agent of the Future Foundation, I am obligated to report any seeds of despair."

"It's fine. You're just doing your job."

Ouma sat on the windowsill and swung his legs over the other side. He looked back at Shuichi sadly and said, "I wish it didn't have to be this way."

"Me too," Shuichi whispered, but Ouma was long gone.

* * *

After Monaca withdrew from school because of all the rumors surrounding her family's scandal, Shiori started attending school again.

The next Saturday, Ouma did not join them for dinner. Shuichi put Shiori to bed and went to his backyard holding a can of cold beer, a cigarette and a lighter. He sat in the grass with his back against the wall and lit the cigarette, taking a slow drag from it and releasing a puff of smoke.

If he closed his eyes and got drunk enough, Ouma would appear beside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Admittedly would have been more in character for Ouma to be the one who leaked the documents but like... Come on. Overprotective daddy Saihara is hot. 
> 
> Mm, daddy.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am literally dressed in only my underwear(ish?) and six inch heels writing this on my phone while waiting for pole class to start. So if this chapter is full of spelling mistakes or whatever you know why. [EDIT: I am editing this shit on my laptop now, thank fuck I did not post this trainwreck]
> 
> Hey, at least I'm not drunk this time.
> 
> Am I really on a hiatus? I should be studying. Not getting drunk and writing fanfiction.

Life continued on. Saturdays were emptier without Ouma around, like there was a hole that he could not fill. Between therapy and Ouma, Shuichi now knew which one had more effect in healing the wounds of his past.

He knocked off work early on Saturdays to pick Shiori up, compensating for his lost hours by working on Sundays as well. He brought Shiori to therapy now, hoping that Gekkogahara could help Shiori cope with the emotional trauma of being bullied. Gekkogahara was understanding and managed to make Shiori feel at ease, though Shiori still refused to talk about her feelings much.

Shiori asked about Ouma a lot. Shuichi told her the truth, that he and Ouma had a fight, but he reassured her that it was not her fault and that they had to resolve it themselves. Shuichi started spending a little too much time drinking in his backyard. It was fine, though. He knew how to keep himself in check even without someone to stop him. 

Shuichi called Maki occasionally. She reassured him that she was doing fine, that the tests were coming back well, but Shuichi knew to assume better. He had done the same thing with Kaede, after all.

Just like that, two months went by.

* * *

 

Discrimination against Remnants of Despair was commonplace. Their title as an Ultimate remained, however the boons that came with the title were revoked. People could deny Remnants job opportunities, housing, and some Remnants were even denied voting rights. To get his current house, Shuichi had to ask his uncle to buy it first, then sell the house to Shuichi because no one wanted to rent or sell Shuichi and Kaede a house.

Shuichi, for example, was frequently approached by shady people who threatened him to solve their cases with brute force. In those cases the Remnant status worked for him as well; he simply had to glare at them and read a file with their personal details and they would cower and beg for mercy. He also had a few 'friends' willing to... deal with these people if they threatened Shiori. Regardless, the cases he dealt with were unlike the cases the other detectives took on. The cases he accepted usually dealt not with enforcing the law but with finding loopholes in the law, making his methods borderline illegal.

Chabashira's aikido dojo, however, thrived because of her status as a Remnant. Apparently people thought that being taught martial arts by a Remnant was, in a sense, better because Remnants had experience fighting in real life situations. It helped that Chabashira made her dojo female-only and taught sexual assault survivors for free or at whatever price they were willing to pay.

But because of the females-only policy, Shuichi was not allowed to wait in the dojo while Shiori went for classes. He would usually take the time to walk around the neighborhood and let his mind wander, savoring whatever little private time he had. He used to smoke along those walks, but after Chabashira shot him a dirty glare and complained about the scent of smoke clinging to his clothes he stopped. 

Shuichi took his usual route around the neighboring town, but he stopped at a café to wait because his head was pounding. He ordered a cup of coffee even though he knew caffeine was not good for hangovers and sat there watching people walk by. His headache was killing him. When he stood up after half an hour to make his way back to the dojo, he was immediately met with a wave of dizziness that left him clutching his head. The barista expressed concern for him, but he smiled politely at her and shook his head. He just wanted to get Shiori and go home to take a nap.

When Chabashira called Shuichi into the dojo, he fought the urge to run and stepped inside. All the women turned their heads to him and stared as he took off his shoes and walked across the dojo to where Chabashira was, blushing furiously all the way. Being the center of attention always made him feel uneasy, and the women looked like they were either going to pounce on him and have their way with him or rip him apart. Maybe both. 

Chabashira led him to the back of the dojo, where she and Yumeno lived. Shuichi let the tension release from his body when they were no longer in sight of the other women. Being in another woman's private quarters may be embarrassing, but it was nothing compared to being ogled by at least twenty women at once.

"Chabashira-san? Is Shiori alright?" Shuichi asked, concerned. 

"Shiori-chan told me that you've been getting drunk more often."

Shuichi froze. "I-"

"I thought you got over drowning your problems in alcohol years ago. You promised all of us that you would stop drinking. You promised _Shiori-chan_."

Shuichi could still feel the judging stares of twenty women from before. He fought the urge to run away.

"If not for yourself, then for Shiori-chan." She examined him closely, and scrunched her face up when she smelled the alcohol on his breath. "You're hungover right now, aren't you? Saihara-san, you _promised._ "

Shuichi broke eye contact and stared at the floor, ashamed. "I- I'm sorry."

Since the day Shuichi and Ouma had their falling out, he had taken to drinking heavily on Saturdays. He knew his limits; four cans before he lost his inhibitions and started bawling all over himself, but Saturdays were especially bad. He never noticed how much he valued Ouma's friendship until the other man was gone. 

The truth was that he had not noticed that he was turning back to alcohol to drown his sorrows. He thought he could control himself when he took one can of beer, but he never noticed when one became two the next week and two became four the following week. He never dared to let himself wonder if alcohol could take him back to the days when Kaede was alive because that would mean Shiori would never be born, but he wanted to at least have Ouma beside him again. Even if it was not real, he wanted to have that moment, at least for the night.

"You should be." Chabashira pulled away, her expression softening. "Look, I know I don't come across as a friendly person, especially towards men. But I do consider you my friend, Saihara-san. I don't want to see you... like I did that day."

When Shuichi had gotten a little too drunk one day, Shiori found his mobile phone and called a random person in his address book. Being only three, she had been unable to read most of the kanji saved into Shuichi's phone, so she picked a random person to call. She just happened to call Chabashira, who ran the aikido dojo about fifteen minutes away. Chabashira heard Shiori sobbing over the phone and rushed over immediately. 

She had beaten him up when he sobered up the next morning and extracted a promise from him that he was to limit his drinking or better yet, not drink at all. Over the past three years, he was still the only person not allowed to touch alcohol during their yearly class gatherings. That stung a little considering that even Iruma was allowed to drink, but he knew his ex-classmates did that for his own benefit. 

"It's just... been hard recently," Shuichi admitted. 

"Tell me," Chabashira urged. She pulled out a chair and gestured to it, so Shuichi took it as a signal to sit. Once he was seated, hands clasped in front of him nervously, she went to make some tea for him. Once she had served him tea, he told her everything.

He told her about how he became friends with Shiori's homeroom teacher, though he left out that her homeroom teacher was Ouma. He told her that he left Shiori in his care on Saturdays when he was late (her eyebrows rose in genuine shock when he admitted he went to therapy, therapy was something he had adamantly refused to go to since Kaede's death no matter how many of their ex-classmates pestered him to go) and that they would have dinner together afterwards. He admitted to drinking and smoking with Ouma, but he also made sure to tell Chabashira that Ouma knew his own limits and somehow, was able to guess Shuichi's alcohol tolerance as well. He told her about Shiori being bullied at school and Ouma not being able to do anything, and how he took matters into his own hands despite Ouma telling him not to.

By the time he finished, Chabashira had already finished her cup of tea. "I see. So it was because of your new friend that you managed to cope, but now that you have fallen out with him you've gotten back into drinking," she summarized. 

Shuichi shook his head. "It's not the fact that he's not around to help me cope. I... managed somewhat without him, before. It's that he was a good friend, and I messed up our friendship."

"Have you called to apologize?" she asked.

Shuichi shook his head again. 

"You haven't?" Chabashira rolled her eyes. "Seriously, men, how dare they claim women are the complicated ones."

"I can't just call him up and act like nothing happened," Shuichi protested.

If it was physically possible, Chabashira would have rolled her eyes even more. "Then bring a gift and do it in person. Is it so hard?"

Shuichi laughed nervously. "It's easy for someone as brave as you, Chabashira-san."

Shuichi was a coward. He blamed his late wife for saddling him with his daughter even though she was the best thing that ever happened to him. He blamed his daughter for his own inability to be a good parent even though it was his own shortcomings that caused him to be a lousy father. He blamed Ouma for not being able to protect his daughter when it was Shuichi who caused Shiori to be bullied in the first place. He used alcohol to make the pain go away, even if he knew it was only a temporary fix and that it would make his life worse in the long run.

Maybe Kirigiri was right to threaten to take Shiori away from him. Maybe she would be happier without him in her life. 

"Stop running from your problems," Chabashira snapped, slamming her palms on the table. The teacups rattled and shook. "Kaede-san told you to face the truth, right? Then be a man and stand up for yourself."

Before, the mention of Kaede alone would have made his blood boil. He would have jumped at the chance to swing a punch at whoever dared bring up Kaede in front of him, martial artist or not. Chabashira seemed to expect it too, judging by the way she tensed up slightly. But Shuichi needed to move forward. There was no use tiptoeing around the fact that Kaede had passed away. He said he was sick of Ouma's lies, but that was a hypocritical statement when he himself did not have the courage to face his own truth. 

Shuichi stood up and bowed. "Thank you, Chabashira-san. I'm sorry for causing you trouble."

Chabashira's lips twitched upwards. "You can drop by anytime, you know."

It would take a major problem for him to enter Chabashira's den of women willingly, but he was not going to tell her that to her face. "I will," he promised anyway. He hoped he would never have to take her up on the offer.

* * *

Shuichi called Gekkogahara and told her that he would have to miss out on therapy the next Saturday. Since he had a track record of attending on a regular basis, she allowed him to skip one session but insisted that he take an extra half an hour the following week.

He had a plan. Ouma would have to visit him for the parent-teacher meeting before the break, so he would approach Ouma first and invite him over. It was admittedly not the best plan, but it was the best Shuichi had. All he needed to do was be sincere in his apology and everything would be alright again.

"Saihara-san. I see you decided to be on time today," Ouma greeted. From an outsider's point of view, there was nothing wrong with the way Ouma greeted Shuichi. It was the small things he did; the honorific -san instead of -chan, the jab at Shuichi not always being on time and the way he smiled. Ouma always smiled, but he had learnt to read the smaller man's smiles over the past few months. This smile was forced.

"Ouma-sensei," Shuichi replied. His hand gripped Shiori's a little tighter. "I was wondering if you'd like to join us for dinner to discuss Shiori's progress in school."

Ouma continued smiling. "I'm sorry, Saihara-san, but I'll have to decline. I need to maintain a professional image. I cannot simply accept... propositions from my students' parents."

Shuichi recoiled visibly. He felt his ears burn. "I didn't mean- It's not a proposition...! I-"

"Ah, I guess I misunderstood." The thin smile on Ouma's face told him that no, the other man had not misunderstood. "My apologies, Saihara-san. Regardless, I still cannot accept your invitation. I appreciate your kindness though."

"I... understand, Ouma-sensei," he said hesitantly. "You will still be coming over for the parent-teacher meeting, right?"

"I will call you to inform you of it at a later date," Ouma replied coolly. "I assure you, I will not drop by suddenly." Ouma then turned away to talk to another parent, an older mother who gave Shuichi multiple suspicious glances.

Shuichi had been confident that Ouma would accept. He had been certain that Ouma valued their friendship enough to spare him a few minutes to explain himself. He thought he could read the other man, or at least understand his thoughts enough to predict his actions. It turned out he was wrong.

If he had not already been told off by Chabashira, he would have downed an entire can of beer the moment he got home.

* * *

OK: tonight, 2300  
OK: keep your window open 

* * *

"Saihara-chan."

Shuichi sat up from his bed abruptly, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Ouma-kun, you came. I didn't think you would." He had already started to nod off while waiting for Ouma, and he was sure Ouma had noticed too.

Ouma sniffled slightly. "Why, Saihara-chan, do you think little ol' me is capable of telling such a heinous lie? T-that's horrible. Saihara-chan is so cruel to me!" He started fake crying, crocodile tears streaming down his face.

Shuichi chose to ignore Ouma's antics. "Anyway, why did you want to come by the window? I could've just let you in through the front door..." he pointed out.

Almost instantly, the other man's expression did a 180. His eyes sparkled as his voice took on an almost dreamy tone. "Doesn't this feel more exciting? I might be a phantom thief, here to steal the detective's heart." He paused dramatically, finger resting on his chin, then leapt up cheerily. "Ooh, or it could be Romeo and Juliet! Does Saihara-chan want me to be his Romeo?"

"Ouma-kun..."

He giggled mischievously. "Nishishi, that was a lie! I have no interest in Saihara-chan whatsoever. Even if Saihara-chan came onto me, I would have to break his poor, fragile heart!"

This was the Ouma that everyone had gotten to know in the prison school; overly dramatic, theatrical and generally a pain in the ass in large doses. But Shuichi had gotten to know Ouma during those quiet Saturday nights. He now knew that the act Ouma put on was a lie, that Ouma's true feelings were closer to that of those nights that were filled with nicotine and alcohol, where he expressed nostalgia over the days before everything went to hell.

He knew why Ouma had reverted back to his old self; because it was a defense mechanism. Putting on a mask of smiles and lies was easier than baring your soul. Shuichi felt his heart clench; he had done this to Ouma.

"Ouma-kun, listen!" Shuichi insisted. "I want to talk to you."

Ouma stopped. "Eh? Saihara-chan is being serious. Alright, let's talk." He grabbed Shuichi by the wrist (Shuichi's heart skipped a beat; it was instinctive now because whenever he touched Ouma he thought of The Bed Incident) and pulled him to the backyard. He made Shuichi sit in the grass first before heading to the kitchen. To Shuichi's surprise, he came back empty handed.

"Shiori-chan told me about your alcoholism," Ouma explained when he saw the quizzing look in Shuichi's eyes. "I'm glad to see you got rid of all the beer in your fridge."

Shuichi looked away, ears burning and face red. Even if he deserved it, it was still embarrassing to hear about his drinking problem from other people. He ducked his head and chewed on his unlit cigarette. 

"If I had known you had a problem with alcohol, I wouldn't have encouraged the habit," Ouma said. 

"It's not your fault!" Shuichi exclaimed. "I shouldn't have-"

"I should have known," Ouma insisted. He plucked the cigarette from Shuichi's lips and held out a hand. Shuichi sighed and surrendered his pack of cigarettes to Ouma. Ouma studied the pack of cigarettes for a while before a glint appeared in his eyes.

Oh no. Shuichi recognized that look. 

"Heard you want to quit smoking, Saihara-chan. I can give you-" Ouma paused dramatically, letting a grin spread over his face. "A new oral fixation." He then snuggled close to Shuichi and puckered his lips, leaning closer as he did so.

Despite everything, Shuichi found himself laughing. The pick up line was so corny that it looped around and became hilarious. Ouma making that ridiculous face made everything ten times funnier, and soon he had stitches in his sides. Ouma pouted and insisted that he was being serious when Shuichi collapsed on the ground clutching his sides.

"No seriously, I think I have something that might help." Ouma pulled out a piece of candy from his pocket. "I keep these for the children but I think you need these too."

"I shouldn't-"

Ouma frowned. "Saihara-chan, if you don't accept it, I will force it down your throat."

Shuichi straightened up. "You can try."

"Oh? Is Saihara-chan challenging me?" In a flash, Ouma unwrapped the piece of candy and shoved it near Shuichi's lips. Shuichi opened his mouth to protest, letting the candy slip into his mouth. He covered his mouth on shock as the candy exploded in his mouth after he accidentally bit on it.

It had barely been ten minutes and Shuichi was already at ease with Ouma. It was as if they had not been ignoring each other for the past two months and everything was normal again. It was everything Shuichi wanted with Ouma. But he told himself he needed to face the truth, and the truth was he needed to apologize to Ouma.

He laid his hand over Ouma's when their laughter had died down. "Ouma-kun, I wanted to apologize. I shouldn't have leaked the Towa documents," he said. No matter how much the Towa family deserved it, it was not in his place to be judge, jury and executioner. He had reacted to his emotional state without thinking logically.

"I should have trusted you to do your job. Even if you're not an experienced teacher, I can tell that you care about Shi- your students. I understand that you have a job to do as an agent of the Future Foundation. But when Shiori is threatened, I can't help but feel the need to protect her at all costs."

"Actually, I quit." Shuichi had been expecting Ouma to do something else, like laugh it off or pretend nothing had ever happened, or maybe even give a heartfelt speech about understanding his side of the story. He did not expect Ouma to say that he left the Future Foundation. "I quit the Future Foundation," Ouma repeated. "I decided I like teaching more. Is that bad?"

Future Foundation agents typically held two jobs: one as a cover for their normal life and one as a member of the Future Foundation. They would typically be asked to do something for the Future Foundation while working their normal job. As a result, they were paid a lot of money. Even though they had to keep their status a secret, the benefits that the Future Foundation granted rivaled and even surpassed the benefits granted to Ultimate. Government subsidies, limited voting rights in the National Diet and many other benefits made the stress of working two jobs worth it to most.

"N-no, it's just surprising." A thought dawned on him. "Did you- did you quit because of me?"

Ouma shook his head. "I was planning on quitting soon anyway. Munakata-san is a good man, but when his wife fell into despair and killed herself he changed for the worse. The Future Foundation is taking a militaristic turn, and none but Munakata-san's staunchest supporters are keen on the idea."

He tore open another piece of candy and popped it in his mouth. "Life in the Future Foundation is full of lies. I lied that I was brainwashed by Enoshima Junko to keep an eye on the class. I lied that I fell into despair a second time on the Future Foundation's orders so that no one but the people I trusted the most would know notice when I disappeared. Even now, I'm still lying. I'm lying that I don't regret ruining all my friendships. I'm lying about the reason I..." Ouma trailed off uncertainly, eyes darting away from Shuichi. Shuichi did not press Ouma for an answer.

Ouma smiled sadly. "I hate liars the most, you know? I want to live an honest life without unnecessary lies, but I'm a liar to the end."

Shuichi grabbed Ouma by his shoulders and pulled him to face Shuichi. "It's not too late, Ouma-kun," he said. "Better late than never, right?"

"Then Saihara-chan has to live an honest life with me!" Ouma giggled happily. "No more drinking and smoking. Okay?"

"I- yeah, I can do that." He had already been planning to cut down on his drinking by going cold turkey, but he had realized that he started smoking more to compensate. He supposed if he had Ouma with him he could quit smoking too. 

"Ouma-kun?" The smaller man hummed and looked up at Shuichi. "Thank you. For everything."

"Eh? Why are you thanking me, Saihara-chan? I didn't do anything."

Shuichi realized how lucky he was to have Ouma with him in his life. Ouma had helped him move on from Kaede, and now he was helping him with his alcoholism. He had done so much for Shuichi during the past few months that others had tried to do and failed for years now. WIthout Ouma, he would still be harboring that hint of resentment towards Shiori, blowing up at anyone who spoke Kaede's name without prompting and, ashamed as he was to admit it, fallen back into the familiar ritual of alcohol abuse. 

"Just... everything. Thank you," Shuichi said sincerely. 

For a moment, time stopped. Ouma looked at Shuichi for the longest time, as if staring at Shuichi would cause him to elaborate more. Shuichi just held his gaze and smiled a little, hoping that Ouma would understand that there was no underlying meaning.

Eventually, Ouma conceded. "So, how have the last two months been for you?" he asked.

Shuichi started talking, as if nothing had changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a thinly veiled callout post for me and _my_ alcoholism.
> 
> I got the oral fixation thing from a youtube video called 'Ouma trying to flirt' (that is rather sexual in nature). I assume all you readers are over 18 because of the mature tag so please don't hold me liable for underage sexual assault or anything. Please..........
> 
> (Checks drafts) yeah this is the last chapter with major angst. The oumasai/saiouma starts now. I would like to apologize in advance because I can't write happy stuff so expect the next few chapters to be pretty shitty in general (I mean, this fic is pretty much trash already but it'll get worse, trust me)
> 
> By the way, is it oumasai or saiouma? Both could work? I don't even know which one this fic is and I'm the author, lol.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got really stuck at this chapter because I don't know how to not write sad. It's easier for me to write sad than happy, so I thought: why not insert some sad?
> 
> Also, I am not drunk. Someone praise me.

"Look Shuichi, I know you're concerned, but I'm fine," Maki insisted. "Kaito isn't flying up into space for at least a few years. He can help me if I need it."

Shuichi gripped the tip of his cigarette tighter. He held the phone in his other hand, holding it to his ear. To the others, he was simply outside taking a smoke break, but his phone call to Maki had become daily routine after she entered her third trimester of pregnancy. He knew he was being paranoid, but he just needed the reassurance that she was doing fine. "Kaede died in childbirth. I don't want to lose one of my closest friends the same way," he explained calmly. 

The sound of Kaede's name on his lips stung, but not as much as it would have six years ago. To calm himself, he took a long drag from his cigarette and blew it out slowly, continuing the rest of what he wanted to say after that. "Look, I know I'm- I mean, I'm sorry. I just... can't. Sometimes I still have nightmares about walking into the ICU and seeing Kaede screaming in pain, and just as suddenly falling lifeless on the operating table. I miss her, Maki-san. I loved her and I lost her because of this, and I don't want to take any chances. I don't want Kaito-kun to go through the same thing. I don't want you to die."

"Shuichi, I'm glad you're talking about it."

"Eh?"

Maki chuckled slightly. "You don't realize? Before, you'd never be able to talk about Kaede. Everyone would tiptoe around you when you mentioned Kaede even once. We tried to get you to talk about her, but you didn't take it well."

Shuichi felt a wave of guilt wash over him. "Oh... I'm sorry," he said softly.

He had noticed, but only recently did he realize how much he changed since Kaede's death. He knew that there was a seed of anger that was resting in his stomach, but he never noticed how much poison he exuded until that same anger caused him to drive away the people he loved the most. He resolved to be a better person, if not for himself then for Shiori and the people who cared about him and never gave up on him no matter what.

"It's alright," Maki reassured. "I'm glad you're finally moving on."

Moving on? Shuichi did not feel like he was moving on. He supposed he had gotten better at dealing with the turbulent emotions that came with memories of Kaede, all thanks to Ouma. But was that counted as moving on? He was not sure himself.

"How about this? I'll call you every week. Sunday, about 11 am?" Maki proposed.

Shuichi swallowed. On one hand, he needed to know if Maki was alright. On another hand, he did not want to burden Maki with his feelings. "Alright," he agreed, though he had to smoke a second cigarette to take his mind off things after she hung up. 

Even without calling Maki, he continued smoking. It took his mind off things, even if only for a while.

* * *

Now that Shiori was having her school holidays, Shuichi started taking her to work again. Even though it was not Uozumi's specialty, Shuichi gave her some of the simpler miscellaneous cases such as missing pets and got Shiori to help her. Shiori was a surprisingly good assistant, and with Uozumi's help she managed to solve her first missing pet case on her own.

Shuichi called in a favor from the Kuzuryu group to trail and protect them both while they put up missing posters in case someone gave them trouble. Kuzuryu, who had a child of his own, waved it off and told him that he would do it for his blood brother's sake and not for the sake of amassing favors.

Which was why when the door opened, he was expecting Uozumi to be back with his daughter. Instead, he saw Ouma giving Shiori a piggyback. Uozumi was in the background, arms crossed over her chest and frowning. For a moment, she reminded Shuichi of his old classmate Tojo Kirumi, who was always trying to get Ouma to stop his antics.

"Saihara-chan~!" Ouma said in a singsong manner. "I'm going to take your daughter home if you don't hurry up!" Shiori squealed and flailed, causing both of them to giggle nonstop. He crouched down to let Shiori hop off his shoulders. The girl ran out of Shuichi's office and to Uozumi.

"O-Ouma-kun? What are you doing here?" Shuichi asked. Now that Ouma was here, he felt a little embarrassed to be caught in such a mess, with papers strewn all over his desk and even on the floor.

Ouma stretched out his arms, revealing a sliver of skin near his collarbone. "Aww, did my beloved Saihara-chan forget about dinner? I-I'm so sad," he said, eyes watering and lower lip trembling.

Even if Shuichi knew Ouma was exaggerating, he still felt horrible seeing Ouma cry. "I'm so sorry, Ouma-kun, I'll finish up here soon-"

Ouma giggled. "Nishishi, just kidding! I know your work is important. Besides, I'm the one who's intruding."

"Don't you have work?" Shuichi asked.

"I finish up my work on Friday so I'm free on Saturday. So now I can pick up my beloved Saihara-chan from work every Saturday. Isn't that great?" Ouma sidestepped the papers and went behind Shuichi's desk, resting his chin on Shuichi's right shoulder. Shuichi could feel Ouma's breath on his skin and smell the faint, familiar scent of shampoo that Ouma used. He blushed, not used to being in such close contact with anyone but his family.

Ouma scrunched up his nose. "Saihara-chan has been smoking," he accused. Shuichi simply shrugged, seeing no reason to refute the accusation. It was true that he had recently smoked, after all. Ouma read the case files for a while, then hummed. "Mm, a good detective like Saihara-chan must already know that the accused was trying to protect his girlfriend from the victim."

"I know that, but all I have is circumstantial evidence. The court won't accept it."

Ouma rolled his eyes. "That's none of your business. You're a detective, not a lawyer. He still tried to kill someone in the end, so he needs to be punished for it."

As harsh as it sounded, Ouma was right. He was not here to defend the accused, he was here to find the truth. Yet, more than a decade into his career, he still made the same amateur mistake. "You're right, Ouma-kun. Thank you. I'll arrange the papers and we can go."

"Yay!" Ouma took his chin off Shuichi's shoulder, and for a moment Shuichi actually missed the warmth of Ouma's touch. "Do you need help?"

Shuichi shook his head. "Give me ten minutes. I'll be done by then."

"Okay! Then I'll go find Shiori-chan," Ouma said. He exited the room swiftly, leaving Shuichi to straighten up his belongings alone. Shuichi picked up all the stray papers and shoved them into the file unceremoniously. He could arrange them tomorrow or on Monday, but it would be rude of him to keep Ouma waiting. He opened the door gently so as not to disturb anyone, but he realized he did not have to when he heard voices talking. 

Ouma put his hands on his hips in mock, exaggerated anger. "Shiori-chan, you should be studying!"

"B-but I like doing this!" Shiori protested. She clutched the case file to her chest, as if Ouma would snatch it away from her at a moment's notice.

"I know you were scouted by Hope's Peak Elementary because of your investigative skills, but learning to read is important," Ouma chided gently.

Shiori looked away guiltily. "I know, but reading is boring..."

"Come on, let's do some revision while your father finishes up his work." Ouma hummed and pointed to a random word on the file. "Mm, what's this kanji?"

"Cat!" Shiori said proudly. "The case is about a missing cat! It went missing at 7.30pm, when it ran away and never went back home."

"Very good," Ouma praised. "What color is the cat?"

"Black!"

"Can you write the kanji for 'black' for me?" When Shiori tried to peek into the case file for answers, Ouma snatched it from her. "Hey, no looking."

Shuichi watched them both with a faint smile on his face. As a father, he only wanted Shiori to be happy. He was glad that Shiori was starting to get back to her normal, cheerful self again, and he was even happier to know that he knew someone else he could trust with Shiori's safety. 

Amino leaned towards Shuichi and whispered in his ear. "That's the guy you've been having dinner with every Saturday?"

"Shit, I thought it was a woman you were trying to chase," Nanamura said. Amino nodded in agreement.

"What?! No!" Ouma-kun and I... It's not like that!" Shuichi denied.

Shuichi had known that he was bisexual for a long time, even before he met Kaede. He knew he was equally attracted to men as he was to women, but the others did not know that. Besides, him and Ouma? He had never thought about it, but now that the idea was there...

He imagined threading his fingers through Ouma's, their shoulders leaning on one another. Maybe Ouma would tuck his head under Shuichi's chin and lean into his chest while he held the smaller man's waist. He could almost smell Ouma's shampoo, a faint, flowery scent that calmed Shuichi's nerves more than alcohol and cigarettes ever could. After a while, maybe Ouma would lean up and press a chaste kiss against Shuichi's lips, and when he pulled back he would complain about the lingering taste of smoke but he would lean in for another kiss anyway. And maybe the second kiss would be deeper, more heated-

Shuichi's heart skipped a beat. He swallowed nervously, face flushed.

The two men looked at each other with a knowing glance. "It's okay to be gay, boss," Amino said.

Nanamura elbowed him in the ribs, causing Amino to hiss in pain. "Don't be dumb. He has a daughter."

"Bi, then," Amino said as he glared half-heartedly at his colleague. "God, you're such a dick. How did you even end up married?"

"You're just jealous because Samidare-san rejected you."

"Y-you _bastard-_ "

"Oh, Saihara-chan, you're done!" Ouma exclaimed. "Come on, let's go out! It's too late to cook. My treat!" He grabbed Shuichi by the hand and pulled him out, Shiori trailing behind them. Shuichi caught Amino and Nanamura waving and making heart shapes with their hands, but he was too focused on the warmth of Ouma's hand to respond.

* * *

After Shiori went to bed, Shuichi lay in his bed and thought about what Amino and Nanamura said. It was not only the thought of kissing Ouma that made him have butterflies in his stomach. It was the thought that they could build a domestic life together, with Shiori not as his daugher, but _their_ daughter.

After Kaede's death, Shuichi had not gone out of his way to meet other people. Part of the reason was because he had not gotten over her death, but another part of it was because he never knew if Shiori would accept them. He would rather focus on keeping his daughter happy than trying to balance between his daughter and someone else. But Ouma had obviously been accepted by Shiori, so there was no risk of Shiori rejecting him. Well, there was a bit of a risk, but it was much less than the risk he would take with meeting someone completely new.

He thought of the way Shiori always brightened up when she saw Ouma, and the way Ouma always had a more honest smile when he talked to Shiori. They would definitely be alright with each other, but... would they be alright with him?

Shuichi rolled over and hugged the bolster to his chest. He tucked it under his chin like he imagined he would with Ouma and closed his eyes, recalling the faint scent of Ouma's shampoo. He had given up so much for Shiori. He could allow himself to be selfish just this once, right?

* * *

"Gekkogahara-san," Shuichi greeted.

"Saihara-san," she replied.

Ever since the start of school holidays, Gekkogahara had reduced Shuichi's sessions from once a week to once a month. Shuichi could not deny that he was relieved that Gekkogahara thought he was getting better, but he also missed chatting with the other woman sometimes. She was a good conversation partner and listener, always giving good advice when he needed it the most.

"I, uh- I think I'm starting to develop feelings for someone," Shuichi admitted. He could no longer deny his growing feelings for Ouma now that he was fantasizing about a peaceful, domestic life with the other man every night before bed, among other things.

Gekkogahara smiled sincerely. "That's great. You deserve to be happy, Saihara-san. Can you describe them to me?"

"He's the friend I told you about, the one who I recently made up with. I know he's a man and it's not a good thing in Japan-"

Gekkogahara leaned forward slightly and shook her head. "Saihara-san, you don't chose who you have feelings for. Besides, love is a wonderful thing. It doesn't matter if it's between a man and a woman or a man and a man. As long as you're both happy."

Shuichi's shoulders sagged with relief. He knew that Gekkogahara would probably be accepting, but he also knew that most of Japan looked down on homosexual relationships. Hearing verbal confirmation that she approved made him feel less anxious when talking to her.

"I still feel guilty. I feel like I'm cheating on Kaede," Shuichi admitted. As much as he found himself being able to talk about Kaede's death, he still could not deny that he loved her still. To develop feelings for Ouma as well, he felt like he was two-timing her.  

"How about this? The Bon festival is coming soon, right? Talk to Kaede about it. It will give you some closure," Gekkogahara proposed.

"I'll do that. Thank you, Gekkogahara-san," Shuichi said. 

* * *

 

"How was therapy?" Ouma asked later that night after Shiori had went to bed.

Shuichi chewed on the candy cigarette in his mouth. Ouma was standing too close, he could practically feel the body heat radiating off the other man. His heart was already beating so fast, he was not sure if he could take it-

"Fine," Shuichi settled on saying. For now, at least. If all went well, he would tell Ouma the entire truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _No more heavy angst,_ I say, as I set up a chapter that takes place in a graveyard-
> 
> God, I hope the developing feelings thing was okay. I suck at good feels and happy ends.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me 2 chapters ago: no major angst anymore  
> Me now: welp

Kaede's remains had been buried with Shuichi's family because she was married to him at the time of her death. Even if it was a short marriage of six months, she still counted as a member of the Saihara family. So here they were, making the twelve hour journey back to the Saihara's hometown, Fukuoka.

Even though Shuichi hated driving, he rented a car to drive up to Fukuoka. The journey was hours long by train and he would not subject Shiori to hours of standing in a crowded train jam packed with people trying to get back to their hometowns for the Bon Festival. The roads would be jammed as well, but at least she could sleep in peace. 

Shuichi, however, did not have that luxury. They had stopped at a petrol station to fuel up and go to the bathroom, and the moment Shuichi stepped out of the car he could feel his muscles aching. He rubbed his shoulders, but that did not soothe the ache. There were still hours to go before they reached their destination.

He was tired, stressed, and his head was pounding. He needed a light.

He glanced at the convenience store near the gas station. They would likely have cigarettes and lights for sale. It was a simple matter to fork out a few hundred yen for a pack of cigarettes and a lighter and have a quick smoke before moving on.

But he remembered Ouma lecturing him on the harmful effects of smoking, telling him that second-hand smoke was bad for children. He thought of how Ouma bought him a huge bag of sweets every Saturday to help him curb the temptation of smoking and checked his fridge for alcohol when he was over. More importantly, he thought about how Ouma put in even more effort than he did towards his well being. It was not fair for Ouma to care more about his health and emotional state than he did himself.

Quietly, Shuichi got into the car and waited for Shiori to come back. For Shiori. For Ouma. And most importantly, for himself.

* * *

"Hello, Uncle," Shuichi greeted as he stepped out of the car, Shiori following him seconds later.

Shuichi's uncle had aged well over the years. At the age of 65, his hair had more streaks of gray than black, but he maintained the youthful vigor he carried in him since he was young. Shuichi's gaze lingered on the plain, black eyepatch that permanently covered his uncle's injured eye, the same eye he stabbed a pair of scissors through when he fell into despair. 

Despite being the only one who was directly harmed by Shuichi, his uncle was the only member of his family who forgave him. He took Shuichi in after his parents disowned him, helping him get back on his feet and just being there for him in general. Without his uncle, Shuichi was not sure if he would still be around.

After retiring from the detective business and passing on the agency to Shuichi, he had taken to traveling the world. He only came back to Japan if he had important business or on special occasions like this, so Shuichi rarely saw him nowadays. 

"Shuichi! You're looking well," Shuichi's uncle boomed loudly. He enveloped Shuichi in a crushing hug, causing Shuichi to squeak in surprise. Even though Shuichi was twenty nine years old, he still managed to make Shuichi feel like a boy again. When he released his nephew, he turned to the little girl beside him. "And Shiori! You've grown so much since I last saw you. Can I get a hug?"

Shiori hid behind Shuichi's leg in response.

"I'm so sorry, Uncle, she's just shy-"

Shuichi's uncle laughed heartily. "Haha, no worries. I remember you being just like that at her age. Like father, like daughter, eh?" Shuichi chuckled softly and nodded. It was true; Shiori took after her father in terms of temperament.

They walked to the family grave together, Shuichi holding Shiori's hand all the way. The trail into the graveyard was long and winding, and most importantly it was not a paved road. Shuichi had to make sure that Shiori did not trip over herself on the way there, and halfway through the trip she got tired of walking and Shuichi had to carry her there.

"You know, Shuichi, you didn't have to come down all the way here," Shuichi's uncle said when they reached their destination. "You've got a little girl to care for. Besides, it's my responsibility as head of the family to take care of the family grave."

"I'll take over that responsibility sooner or later," Shuichi replied. He had no siblings and his uncle had never married, so as the only male of his generation Shuichi was destined to take over as head of the family. "Besides, I... need to talk to Kaede."

Retired or not, Shuichi's uncle was still a detective at heart. He could see through his nephew at one glance. "I understand," he nodded sharply. "I'll leave you to it, then." He scooped the sleeping girl into his arms and maintained a respectful distance as Shuichi stepped forward towards the family grave.

He had seen his uncle perform the rites many times during his youth, so it came to him naturally now. He removed the old offerings and set them aside, then swept away the stray leaves that had fallen onto the plot of land. He cleaned the tombstone from top to bottom, making sure that not a speck of dust or dirt was left. Once that was done, he laid new offerings and incense at the foot of the tombstone.

He poured some tea into a cup and set it in front of Kaede's name. Saihara Kaede, written down the length of the plaque, a blank space left beside it for Shuichi's own name when he passed on.

'"Hey, Kaede. It's been a while, huh?" Shuichi cupped his own cup of tea nervously, settling down into a cross-legged position. "I hope you're doing well, wherever you are. Shiori is growing up so fast. Some things happened at school but, well, everything's fine now. She solved her first case, you know. I bet you'd be proud of her.

"Kaito-kun and Maki-san are expecting a baby. Maki-san says it's probably a boy. Chabashira-san is doing well too. She's still running her own dojo. Yumeno-san lives with her when she's in Japan. She's been on tour performing magic tricks worldwide, so I haven't talked to her personally, but Chabashira-san says she's happy."

For a moment, Shuichi let his mind wander. He tried to imagine what would happen if Kaede had never passed away. She would have definitely taught Shiori how to play the piano. Maybe Shiori would be more outgoing, taking after her mother in terms of personality. Maybe Shiori would have chosen to follow her mother's talent instead of being forced into her father's career path. Kaede would probably attend Chabashira's dojo to learn aikido along with her daughter, and they would have remained good friends. She would have probably been the one to call Maki daily too, telling Maki that she had been through what Maki was currently going through and giving her advice from her own experience.

But in that scenario, Shuichi could not see a place for Ouma in his life. They would have definitely reconnected as old classmates, but they would not have the same close bond as they did now. Ouma would still be Shiori's homeroom teacher, but that was all he would be to them: an old classmate and their daughter's teacher. He would not be their friend.

"I went for therapy," Shuichi told her. "I know I said I was never going to go, that I didn't need to forget you, but now I understand. It was never about forgetting you, it was about moving on."

He laid a gentle hand on the plaque, tracing her name with his index finger. "Kaede, I want you to know that I will never stop loving you. You've given me so much; my courage, my drive, my daughter. You've made me the man who I am today, and I can never thank you enough for that. I'll never forget all the years I spent with you. But now... I need to find my own happiness."

Shuichi paused to take a sip of his tea and continued. His hands shook gently as he set down the cup of tea, spilling a bit of the warm liquid over his hands. "I told you before that I like men as well as women, and you told me it was alright. You accepted me." He smiled slightly, recalling the day he confessed to Kaede that he was broken because he was attracted to men as well, expecting to be shunned for who he was. Instead, she took his head into her arms and rocked him gently, telling him that he was perfect the way he was. Their lips met as Kaede fell back on the bed, and they ended up having sex that night. That was their very first time together.

"You were the first and only one, you know? I never told my uncle, or anyone else for that matter. Only you knew." Shuichi took a deep, shuddering breath and continued. "I... like Ouma Kokichi. Yes, that Ouma Kokichi. Amazing, huh?"

He chuckled a little. "I never liked him much when we were in school, but I never tried to understand him either. You always insisted that he was not as bad as he seemed, and you were right. He's an elementary school teacher now, you know? It really suits him. He gets along well with children, Shiori included, so you don't need to worry about that. He'll definitely take care of her. Sometimes, I think he takes care of her better than I do.

"I don't know if you approve since you're, you know, gone, but I can't imagine you ever saying no." Shuichi paused for a while, looking at the ripples in the cup. "No, you'd... encourage me, right? You'd lead me to find a different happiness. I can see you pushing me and Ouma-kun together, just like you did with Kaito-kun and Maki-san."

When Kaede had found out that Maki had feelings for Kaito, she had done everything in her power to stage incidents to bring the two of them together. She told Shuichi that she just wanted her two of her closest friends to be happy, and that she knew they would be happy with each other. She was right, of course. They got together a little before graduation and got married a few years later, and now they were expecting a child of their own.

Kaede always had a way of knowing what someone was thinking. She knew how to look into people's hearts and judge if they were truly good, if there was any turmoil in their hearts. She knew that Maki and Kaito would be good for each other, and she was right. She knew that Ouma was not as bad a person as he wanted people to think he was, and she was right too. She would probably know if he belonged with Ouma, if Ouma could really make him happy, but he could never hear her answer from beyond the grave.

Despite everything, Shuichi still thought she deserved to know. She probably already knew a long time ago from where she was watching, but he still wanted to tell her himself. "I've made up my mind. I'm going to confess my feelings to Ouma Kokichi. I hope you give me your blessing, Kaede." He stood up and bowed to the family grave while saying a prayer for his ancestors, then stepped back to allow his uncle to talk to their family.

 

* * *

 

When Shuichi got back home, he collapsed on his bed into a fitful rest. He did not dream of anything in particular, but when he woke up the next morning he felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest. 

A red maple leaf drifted into the open window of his room, signaling the beginning of autumn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> According to google maps, it's actually faster to take public transport to Fukuoka than drive there. 6 hours by train, 12 hours by car. What...?
> 
> Me writing this chapter: what would I say to my dead wife  
> Also me: I'm twenty going on twenty one. I don't have a dead wife  
> Also me: I'm also not a twenty nine year old alcoholic single father of one  
> ALSO me: that's why you fucked up his characterization from chapter 1 to 6 amirite. Now imagine your dead fucking wife
> 
> In the end, I did imagine my dead wife. ~~It was Kaede.~~ She was beautiful. I started crying. ~~Kaede is my waifu FITE ME SHUICHI~~


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The long awaited confession chapter.

Shuichi realized something crucial: he did not even know if Ouma liked men. He talked to Maki and Chabashira about his feelings (though he left out that the person in question was Ouma or that the person he was trying to confess to was male), and they both told him the same thing; their own relationships happened naturally. Maki and Kaito had been brought together because of Kaede, but they did not make a conscious decision to stick together until marriage. It just happened, Maki said.

Chabashira, on the other hand, had advice that was more relevant to Shuichi. She told him that she had always been worried that Yumeno would never accept her for being a lesbian, but she also admitted that she never made her feelings a secret either. It was an open secret in the class that Chabashira had a crush on Yumeno, and Yumeno herself already knew of Chabashira's feelings towards her from the start. As they spent more time together, they gradually started shifting their dynamic from friends to lovers. Yumeno also said that before she met Chabashira, she would have never thought that she was capable of loving a woman.

Despite everything, Shuichi was still a shy person by nature. He was not the kind of person to face his feelings directly, instead choosing to dance around the problem until the issue solved itself or it grew too big to ignore. Even though he had come to terms with his own feelings for Ouma, he could not face Ouma and tell him directly. He needed some kind of confirmation that Ouma felt the same way as he did or he would never make the first move.

No matter how much Shuichi tried to inch the conversation towards Ouma's sexuality or preferred partners, he always said that it was Shuichi himself that he loved the most then laughed it off as a lie. If this was any other matter, Shuichi would have been certain that Ouma was telling the truth and trying to hide that by saying that he was lying, but with this he could never be too sure.

It was not that he did not want to confess to Ouma. He did. He had even told Kaede he would. It was just... what if Ouma rejected him? He would ruin their friendship forever and strain their relationship. If it was anyone else he would not care, but it was _Ouma._ He cared about Ouma more than he would like to admit, and he treasured their friendship above his own internal conflict. Besides, Ouma was still Shiori's homeroom teacher. He could not ruin their relationship and expect it to not affect Shiori.

In the end, he chose to keep his feelings to himself. For now, he was content meeting the other man every week and remaining friends. He would confess to Ouma next year, when Shiori moved up to the next grade.

* * *

Now that the weather was getting colder, Shuichi decided to have their weekly chats in the dining room instead of the backyard. Ouma crashed on their couch if they chatted too late into the night because Shuichi insisted that he could catch a cold walking in the winter nights.

(More than once, Shuichi had considered asking Ouma to share the same bed with him, but he was not sure if he could last the night, knowing that the man he was attracted to was inches away from him. He would never live it down if Ouma woke up first and found him with morning wood, or worse.)

That was how they found themselves huddling under a blanket watching movies together on the couch. Ouma seemed to like comedy, so Shuichi linked his laptop to the television to stream some comedy movies. They had just finished the first movie when Shuichi decided to get up and stretch his legs when Ouma noticed something. "Saihara-chan, you took off your ring," Ouma noted.

"Oh, I didn't. It's here." Shuichi fished out the ring, which he now hung around his neck, and showed it to Ouma. He had only transferred it to a necklace last week and was surprised that Ouma was quick to notice. He had taken it off on their wedding anniversary and kept it around his neck since then.

"Why a necklace?" Ouma asked.

"This is actually one of Kaede's old chains, I'm just borrowing it. I felt like I should take the ring off my finger." _Now that I like you,_ but Shuichi did not dare say that out loud. "But at the same time, I didn't want to leave it in a corner and forget about it. It would be disrespectful to Kaede." He tucked the ring back into his shirt, where it rested close to his heart.

Ouma nodded seriously. "...I see. Do you still miss her?"

Shuichi smiled slightly. Now he could talk about Kaede without it hurting. He still thought of her fondly and missed her, but the mention of her name did not set him off like it would have a few months ago. He had Ouma and Gekkogahara and so many other people to thank for that. They cared about him enough to help him out of his rut, and he was eternally grateful to them. "I think of her every day. But... I think I can move forward now."

"Move forward?" Ouma leaned forward, head cocked to one side. "Does Saihara-chan have someone he fancies now?"

"...I do." Shuichi blushed a little. He hoped it was too dark in the living room for Ouma to notice. How did Ouma figure that out so easily? Was he that transparent? Did Ouma know about his feelings? Shuichi was going to bury his head in a hole if Ouma had figured it out by himself. He had worked extremely hard to try and keep his reactions in check, but Ouma had always been able to read him like a book.

"I see! Who is this person, hmm? I want to meet them! I want to make sure they're worthy of my beloved Saihara-chan, that they can make him happy! Oh, and that Shiori-chan will love them too!" Ouma's voice and expression darkened. "If they don't meet my expectations, I'll get my followers to kill them."

"Ouma-kun, please..." Shuichi pleaded. Internally, he let out a sigh of relief. So Ouma did not know the object of his affections was himself.

"That was a lie!" Ouma exclaimed. "I'll just make their life a living hell. So? Who is it, Saihara-chan? Was it the cutie at the detective agency? She's kinda young, isn't she? She told me she's only twenty."

Shuichi blanched at the thought. "No, Ouma-kun, it's not Uozumi-san." Uozumi was pretty and smart, but she was also a little too young for his tastes. The fact that Ouma thought he might have feelings for her made him feel dirty, like a pedophile. That nine year age gap... he shuddered.

Ouma brought his face close to Shuichi's to examine every twitch of his body language. Shuichi moved back a little, hyperaware of Ouma's breath on his lips. His heart started beating faster. "Hmm, Saihara-chan doesn't seem like he's lying. So who is it?"

The close proximity and exhaution got to Shuichi's brain. "You," Shuichi blurted out, and he immediately regretted it.

Ouma's face drained of all expression. He moved back and regarded Shuichi with a cool look. Shuichi saw his fist tighten around the side of the blanket. "Stop lying, I hate liars the most," he warned.

"I'm not lying. Ouma-kun, I like you. You're the reason I pulled myself out of my grief and got back on my feet. You're smart, kind, caring and you're..." Shuichi blushed, thinking about the many times he fantasized about having Ouma in his bed. "You're very handsome."

"If this is a joke, it's not funny," Ouma said, his voice cracking on the last word. 

"It's not a joke. I like you, Ouma-kun. This is how I truly feel."

Time stopped. They looked at each other, the moment drawn out by the tension in the air. Shuichi's heart was pounding in his chest, awaiting Ouma's answer. He did not expect to confess his feelings this early, but it was too late to take the words back now. Did Ouma return his feelings? He was not even sure if Ouma liked men. Maybe Ouma was straight and just never found the right woman. Maybe Ouma was gay, but Shuichi was not his type. Maybe-

"No. I can't do this," Ouma said as he stepped towards the door. 

"Ouma-kun, wait!" Ouma stopped in his tracks but did not turn around to face Shuichi. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have- just ignore what I said, okay? Will you at least stay the night? It's cold outside. You don't... you don't have to come back if you don't want to," Shuichi's voice was but a whisper by the end of his sentence. 

Ouma turned around, a malicious grin plastered on his face. "You're a very cruel man, Saihara Shuichi. Did you know that? You're the cruelest person in the entire world and I hate you the most." 

Shuichi recoiled from the harsh words. "I... I don't understand. What did I do? I understand if you don't return my feelings, and I'm sorry for springing it on you in the first place-"

"That's right, you don't understand. You'll never understand." Ouma put on his coat and left, closing the door behind him.

* * *

Since then, they did not talk to each other. The most they did was greet each other whenever Shuichi went to pick Shiori up from school, but even those interactions were tense and forced. Ouma referred to Shuichi with the proper honorifics, and Shuichi referred to Ouma as his daughter's teacher and not an old classmate. He hated it.

Shuichi thought about Ouma's last words to him a lot. He said that Shuichi had done.. something. But what had Shuichi done? For the life of him, he genuinely could not figure it out. One minute Ouma was teasing him about having a crush and the next minute he was spitting Shuichi's feelings back in his face.

He said that Shuichi would never understand, that Shuichi was cruel and he hated him the most, but was that a lie? Ouma always had a way of weaving the truth into his lies. He knew that Ouma only lied to protect himself because he was more fragile than he let on, and his compulsive lying was a complex defense mechanism that kicked in when someone got too close.

Or maybe he was just overthinking things because he desperately wanted the fact that Ouma hated him to be a lie.

Yes, that seemed more likely. Ouma did not return his feelings, got creeped out by Shuichi suddenly confessing out of the blue and ran away. Shuichi sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He screwed up badly.

"Are you and Ouma-sensei fighting again?" Shiori asked, tugging on his hand. He was not surprised she put two and two together, they did not meet for dinner for the past two weeks and she had always been observant for her age.

"I said something I shouldn't have by accident," Shuichi admitted. "I don't blame your teacher for being mad at me. Is he... doing alright?"

"He looks more tired and sad," Shiori noted. "He also doesn't eat much at lunch."

"I see," Shuichi sighed. He was worried about Ouma, but there was nothing he could do about it now that Ouma refused to return his texts and calls. He had considered texting Kaito to see if he could talk some sense into Ouma, but Kaito was probably busy with Maki's pregnancy and he did not want to burden them any further than he already had. 

"You can apologize!" Shiori suggested.

"I can't apologize if he doesn't want to talk to me," Shuichi explained.

Shiori hummed thoughtfully, then nodded. "I know where Ouma-sensei lives! He gave me a key to his apartment too!" She reached into her bag and pulled out a nondescript key, one that Shuichi would have written off as their house key at first glance. There was also a crudely drawn map that Shuichi recognized was in Ouma's handwriting.

"What- why?"

Shiori shook her head. "It doesn't matter. But now you can apologize!"

Shuichi patted her head softly. His daughter was so considerate, just like her mother. "Shiori, you don't need to involve yourself. This is a matter that Ouma-kun and I need to settle ourselves."

Shiori bit her lower lip nervously as she fidgeted on the spot. "But if you guys don't talk, you can't stop fighting. And if you keep fighting, both of you will be sad. I don't like seeing people sad!"

Seeing his daughter worried about him gave him that final push. "...alright. I'll go apologize tomorrow." He took the key and map from Shiori and shooed her to take a bath as he prepared dinner. As he chopped up the ingredients, an idea came into his head. He made an extra portion of food and set it aside for later. If there was anything he knew about Ouma for sure, it was that the other man loved to eat.

Once Shiori was in bed, Shuichi took a quick bath and grabbed the extra food he packed into a container. He was going to visit Ouma and confront him. If Ouma still refused to see him after tonight, he would leave the other man alone for good, but it was driving him crazy. He needed to know how Ouma actually felt. His gut instinct was telling him that Ouma wanted to accept his confession, and he chose to trust in that feeling.

The apartment complex was not difficult to find because it was not far from Hope's Peak, about three minutes away if he walked fast. He walked up the stairs to Ouma's unit and knocked on the door. "Ouma-kun, it's me. I've come to apologize."

A muffled voice came from within. "Go away."

Shuichi tried again. "I'm worried about you. Shiori said you haven't been eating. I brought food. Can I come in?"

"...since you brought food, fine." Shuichi heard someone shuffle on the other side of the door and moments later, the door opened.

The first thing Shuichi noticed was how hollow and sunken in Ouma's eyes were. He knew that Ouma was small for a man, but he seemed to have thinned out even more since Shuichi last saw him. His purple shirt hung loosely on his shoulders, exposing his lean collarbone. Shuichi forced himself to draw his eyes to Ouma's face. Now was not the time.

"You look surprised," Ouma said.

"You... don't look alright at all," Shuichi admitted. Ouma had definitely grown thinner over the past two weeks. He did not seem like he was getting enough rest at night, and when Shuichi looked over Ouma's shoulder he saw the entire apartment in disarray, clothes strewn all over the place and dirty dishes piled up in the sink.

Ouma stepped aside to let Shuichi in. He placed the packed food on the table and started doing Ouma's dishes. There were a lot of dishes, but Shuichi managed to clear out the sink within ten minutes. After he was done, he started picking up the clothes that were haphazardly strewn all over the place and dumped them in the laundry basket. 

When Shuichi looked back, he found Ouma staring at the food blankly. Ouma looked at him and smiled, the smile not quite reaching his eyes. "This is the real me. No lies, no masks, nothing. Do you still want me, _Shuichi?_ "

There it was. The confirmation that Shuichi longed for. Ouma had referred to Shuichi by his given name, telling Shuichi all he needed to know about his true feelings. He was scared that Shuichi would not love the person behind the mask, but he was wrong.

"None of that matters. I want you if you'll have me, Kokichi." Shuichi stepped forward and enveloped Kokichi in a hug. Kokichi stilled, then reached out tentatively to hug back.

It was the truth. Shuichi realized that they were all flawed in some way. He was a recovering alcoholic and a single father of one struggling to cope with the stresses of life. Kokichi was a complicated man who wanted to connect with others but built up walls when someone came too close for comfort. They had their flaws, but they also had each other. Kokichi had supported him when he needed it most, and he would do the same for the man he loved.

When they broke apart, Shuichi realized that Kokichi had tears in his eyes. Kokichi gripped his left elbow with his right hand and looked away, squeezing his eyes shut. "This is too good to be true. I'll wake up tomorrow and it'll all be a dream. It's all a lie conjured up by my brain. It wouldn't be the first time."

Shuichi cupped Kokichi's face with a hand. He brushed away Kokichi's budding tears with his thumb gently. "It's not a lie. Let me show you." When Shuichi brought his lips to Kokichi's and pushed him towards the bed, he did not protest.

* * *

 

When they woke up the next morning, naked limbs tangled in each other, the first thing Kokichi did was to touch Shuichi's face gently. He brushed away Shuichi's bangs to stare at his face, as if it was the last thing he would ever see. When Shuichi tried to get up, he was pulled back down into the bed by Kokichi. "Let me savor this. Even if it's a lie, even if only for a brief moment, let me be happy," he said. 

Shuichi's heart shattered. "You're not dreaming," Shuichi reassured Kokichi. "Last night happened. You have me and a daughter and everything you wished for. I'm sorry it took so long, but you're here now and I'm not letting you go." He kissed the top of Kokichi's forehead and held the other man in his arms as he cried into Shuichi's bare chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, I am so unsatisfied with this chapter, but the original was worse. It was like... half the word count was Ouma rambling on about his insecurities. So I went fuck that and put all that shit in 'homewrecker' and published it as a separate fic instead AHHAHAHAHAHA
> 
> OMAKE:
> 
> "Saihara-chan, I'm sad. I didn't eat the food you brought last night because you were too busy pounding me into the mattress."  
> "Y-you didn't need to put it like that... and it's alright, we can heat it up and eat it for breakfast."  
> "Oh, bring the food here then. I can't get up because Saihara-chan pounded my ass too hard. It hurts, you know."  
> "I-I'm sorry?"  
> "But I'll forgive you if you bring me food... and promise to fuck me harder next time. Right, _Shuichi?_ "  
> "...A-alright, Kokichi."


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I suck ass at describing appearances, here's how I imagine their appearances to be. Also the pictures are just too pretty to not be shared.
> 
> Ouma has hair from the first picture and clothes from the second picture. There's also Amami in Ouma's clothes for the third picture but Amami has like zero bearing on the story I just want to show the clothes.
> 
> https://twitter.com/saioma_V3/status/936955996915638273  
> https://twitter.com/saioma_V3/status/917766265594191872  
> https://twitter.com/saioma_V3/status/857047214413107200
> 
> Saihara just goes around in a white dress shirt and dress pants most of the time, so it's just his school uniform when he's training. The picture is rather apt for this fic lmao.
> 
> https://twitter.com/saioma_V3/status/934148722362953728

Once Kokichi had gotten himself back together, Shuichi borrowed his shower to clean himself. He toweled himself dry and started picking up his clothes, which had been thrown haphazardly around the room in the haze of lust last night. His clothes were crumpled and dirty, but even if Shuichi wanted to borrow a change of clothes from Kokichi he was sure he could not fit into the smaller man's clothes.

"I never pegged Saihara-chan as the kind of man to fuck someone and leave without a word," Kokichi quipped.

"We'll talk about this - _us_ \- later. I need to take Shiori to aikido," Shuichi said, walking over to Kokichi and giving him a chaste kiss on the forehead. Kokichi flushed a deep red. "And please, call me Shuichi. No honorifics."

"I-I knew that! I was just testing you!" Kokichi rolled over in bed so his back was facing Shuichi, hugging the sheets around him. "And... you'll call me Kokichi?" he whispered softly.

"If you're alright with that, Kokichi," Shuichi replied, aware of the way Kokichi's breath hitched when he said his given name. "I'm going now. Lock the door behind me, okay?" He considered giving Kokichi a quick hug but decided that the other man needed time on his own to process what had happened, so he left the apartment and made his way home.

On the way home, Shuichi kept his eyes down and walked as fast as he could. He was aware of the way his clothes looked; rumpled and dirty with wrinkles all over, and the way people looked at him, but he tore himself away from his embarrassment with thoughts of starting a long-term relationship with Kokichi. He thought of the way Kokichi looked at him, as if he was the most precious thing in the world. He thought of the way Kokichi touched him, soft and gentle, as if he deserved all the love in the world. He thought of Kokichi's pale, smooth skin, the surprising amount of lean muscle he hid under his clothes, the way those muscles formed a defined V leading to his crotch-

...Okay, maybe not _those_ thoughts. 

By the time he got home, Shiori had already made herself a peanut butter sandwich. She sat at the dining table silently, munching on her food and taking a sip of milk between bites. Shuichi took a look at the table - a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin in front of where he usually sat - and he pieced everything together.

Shuichi kneeled in front of Shiori and took her hand in his. "Shiori, I wasn't drinking. I swear."

"I-I know. I was just scared. I'm sorry, I should have more faith in you..." Shiori placed the sandwich on her plate and sniffed. Shuichi realized how small her hand was compared to his when he held her hand in his own. Shuichi's heart lurched; she was just a child and she had already learnt how to help people with a hangover because of him. He pulled her into a tight hug. She deserved better.

When they broke apart, Shiori said, "You smell like... Ouma-sensei's shampoo?"

Shuichi's face burned. "A-ah, yes. I was at your sensei's. We made up." He was not sure if he should be proud that his daughter was so observant for her age, or if he should be mortified that she had pieced it together that fast. He was just glad she did not know about sex yet.

"You did?" Shiori squealed happily. "Then Ouma-sensei will join us for dinner next week?"

"I think so," Shuichi said. He still needed to speak to Kokichi about their... relationship status, but he assumed Kokichi would not mind free food next Saturday. "Hurry up and eat, we need to get going." He patted her head affectionately, squishing her idiot hair down and watching in amusement as it sprung back up in full force. He excused himself to get changed into clean clothes, then took Shiori to aikido. 

He spent his free hour talking to Maki over the phone. She was due any moment now and was thus staying at home waiting for the baby to come. They had decided to name their son Fuyuhiko because he would be born in the winter, and Shuichi had to resist the urge to take a shot when he realized Kuzuryu's given name was Fuyuhiko as well. Shuichi insisted on taking leave to visit them when Fuyuhiko was born, but Maki told him they could see Fuyuhiko during the class gathering at Christmas.

"How about you, Shuichi? It's been two months since you said you were seeing someone new. How is your relationship going?"

Shuichi colored. "I- I'm not seeing them. But I have confessed my feelings and they accepted."

He could almost hear Maki smile over the phone. "I see. That's wonderful news. I hope to meet Ouma soon."

Did Shuichi hear that right, or did she just say Kokichi's name? "W-what?"

"I said I hope to meet them soon," Maki repeated.

"O-oh. I thought you said..." Shuichi trailed off, not wanting to reveal the fact that the person in question was Kokichi. Not that he was ashamed of being with Kokichi, it was just that he wanted to know how comfortable Kokichi was before revealing any information about them. He loved Kokichi too much to cross any boundaries.

"Shuichi?" Maki said. "I'm glad you're happy."

Shuichi smiled. "Thank you, Maki-san." 

* * *

Shuichi staggered into his house in the early hours of the morning. He had been in a meeting that dragged on a little too long, and while he could usually excuse himself politely or end the conversation, he could not do the same when Kuzuryu Fuyuhiko, the Ultimate Yakuza and leader of the Kuzuryu group, was involved. Even if all he did was give legal advice and mediate, it still took a lot of energy for him to pretend to be unfazed while being surrounded by yakuza. 

At least they had not noticed when he stopped at the first bottle of sake. He would not have been able to refuse had they offered a second round.

He dumped his coat and keys on the side and kicked off his shoes. Shiori's shoes were there, as were Kokichi's. He had told Kokichi that he would be late today and asked him to take care of Shiori, but he was surprised that Kokichi would still be waiting for him. He went upstairs to his room, where he found Kokichi lying on his stomach, grading papers on his bed.

When Kokichi realized Shuichi was back, he immediately abandoned his work and jumped off the bed. "Ooh, my beloved Shuichi is finally here! Come now, let's play... I missed you for the entire week, you know." His voice was sultry and his body language suggestive, his index finger teasingly playing with Shuichi's top button. He pressed his hips forward to grind against Shuichi's crotch slowly.

Normally, Shuichi would have obliged. Kokichi was an attractive man, and the way he dressed while in the privacy of their bedroom tended to result in his eventual undress every Saturday. Currently, Kokichi was only dressed in one of Shuichi's pajamas tops, the oversized shirt showing off his sleek collarbones. He also had no doubt that Kokichi had no underwear on.

Tonight, however, Shuichi was not feeling it. The accumulation of stress over the entire day plus his sheer exhaustion made him unable to even have any physical reaction to Kokichi's teasing. He pushed Kokichi away gently but firmly. "Not today, Kokichi. I'm tired."

Kokichi blinked, then smiled. "Okay!" he said. He went to get his clothes - which were folded neatly in a corner - and starting putting his underwear and pants on. Shuichi sighed with relief, until he realized that Kokichi was also changing his top.

"Where are you going?" Shuichi asked.

"Home. You don't want sex, right? So I need to get going." Kokichi pulled his blazer on, folded Shuichi's top neatly and stepped towards the door.

Shuichi reacted instinctively, grabbing Kokichi's wrist. "Stay. Please?"

"...If my beloved insists, I can't say no." Kokichi shed his blazer again, giving Shuichi a chaste kiss on the lips after he did so. "Want me to draw a bath for you?"

"I'll do it myself," Shuichi said. He unhooked the necklace and set it on the bedside table, then went to his closet to get a change of clothes. Even if he heard that silver would not rust, he did not want to take any chances with something as precious as his wedding ring.

The warm water in the bath relaxed him, causing Shuichi to almost fall asleep in the tub. But he remembered that Kokichi was still waiting for him, and so he got out, dried himself off and got changed quickly. When he got back to the room, Kokichi had changed back into Shuichi's pajamas top, though he kept his boxers on. He was sitting on the bed cross-legged, staring at the ring in his fingers. He did not even notice Shuichi come into the room, which showed how focused he was on the ring.

Shuichi sat beside Kokichi and brushed his hand on the other man's arm. Kokichi flinched violently, stammering out excuses as he did so. "I-I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to-"

"It's fine, I don't mind. You can look at it," Shuichi said. He watched as Kokichi tilted the ring to view the internal circumference, where the kanji 'Kaede' had been inscribed. Kaede's own ring had Shuichi's name on it, though it had been buried with her remains.

"I don't know how," Kokichi admitted.

"How?"

"How to... not have sex."

"That's alright. We have the rest of our lives to learn."

"Shuichi can help me! He probably has a lot of experience with that, with Akamatsu-chan from before." Kokichi forced a smile, but even the greatest liar could not mask the hurt behind those words. 

He knew that Kokichi would always have his insecurities about their relationship, but that did not mean he did not hate the way Kokichi always put himself down. Kokichi was more than what he viewed himself as. He was not some cheap replacement for Kaede, he was his own man and Shuichi loved that about him. He would never forget Kaede or never stop loving her, but that did not mean he could not love Kokichi as well.

Shuichi gently pried the ring necklace from Kokichi's hands. "Close your eyes." Once Shuichi was sure that Kokichi's eyes were definitely shut, he let the necklace unfurl and clasped it around Kokichi's neck. Kokichi's eyes shot open before Shuichi was even done, his hand instinctively going to the ring, which now sat around his neck.

"It's important to you. What if I lose it?" Kokichi murmured, his fingers caressing the ring.

"Then don't," Shuichi said. "I'll admit that you'll never replace Kaede, but that's because the two of you are completely different people. I'm not good at expressing my emotions, but I do love you." 

Kokichi turned his head away. "...I could throw it away. Or sell it. Or deface it."

Shuichi sighed. "You won't. I trust you. Now turn off your brain and go to sleep." He pulled Kokichi under the covers and fell into a deep, restful sleep, his boyfriend's warm body right beside him.

* * *

Shuichi wanted to tell Shiori about their relationship, but Kokichi was hesitant. Understandable, considering that if the school found out that Kokichi was in a relationship with one of his student's parents he might be fired, but Shuichi was sure that Shiori could keep a secret.

Shuichi had a sinking feeling that there was more to that than Kokichi's job being on the line. Despite how much he tried to hide it, Kokichi was a very vulnerable person. He had so many insecurities that stemmed from his lack of self-worth and Shuichi's previous marriage, insecurities that Shuichi would never be able to fully soothe no matter how many soothing words he uttered or gentle kisses he placed upon Kokichi. This was something Kokichi had to deal with himself, but that did not mean Shuichi wanted him to go through it alone.

During spring break, however, Kokichi had finally relented and allowed Shuichi to break the news to Shiori. Shuichi decided to break the news over their weekly dinner together. They decided that Shuichi, being Shiori's father, should be the one to start the conversation.

"Shiori, we have something to tell you," Shuichi started gently. Below the table, he felt Kokichi grab his free hand. He squeezed back. 

"Is Ouma-sensei finally going to be my new mother?" Shiori asked.

Shuichi spluttered and choked on his spit. He coughed violently, his body instinctively trying to expel the foreign object lodged in his throat. Kokichi rubbed his back soothingly until the coughing fit died down. He took a sip of water and continued. "You knew?"

Shiori nodded solemnly. "Yeah! Ouma-sensei is wearing otou-san's ring, so it's obvious!"

Kokichi's eyes widened. "How did you- I keep it tucked inside!" 

Shiori giggled. "That's a secret! So I can I call you okaa-san?"

Kokichi wrinkled his nose. "I'm male, so I should be otou-san too!"

"But that's confusing..." Shiori frowned slightly.

Kokichi hummed, tapping his chin with his finger. "How about this? Call me Papa, but only while we're not at school."

"Okay... Papa."

The moment those words left Shiori's mouth, Kokichi stilled. Shuichi felt Kokichi's hand tremble underneath the table. He opened and closed his mouth, trying to say something, but no words came out. Tears spilled over his eyes and down his cheek. 

Shuichi shifted their chairs closer and hugged Kokichi to his chest. He rocked Kokichi gently, trying to help Kokichi get over his crying spell. When Kokichi was done, he pushed himself away from Shuichi's chest and sniffed. "I'm sorry. I don't know- I didn't think I'd be this affected." Kokichi accepted the tissues Shiori offered and blew his nose. Shuichi wiped away Kokichi's tears with his sleeve. 

"S-should I not call you Papa?" Shiori said timidly.

"No!" Kokichi exclaimed. "I'd love for you to call me Papa. Unless... you don't want to?"

"I want to!" Shiori hopped off her chair and ran into Kokichi's arms. "I love you, and I'm happy that you're my Papa."

Kokichi buried his face into Shiori's hair, and Shuichi thought he saw the glistening hint of tears in Kokichi's eyes again. "I love you too, Shiori."

* * *

 

Shiori was due to move up to middle school next spring, though she seemed more excited that Kokichi was moving in than her graduation. Now that Kokichi was no longer teaching Shiori, they were free to express their love for each other. Shuichi had given Kokichi a set of spare keys to his house years ago, but now Kokichi was finally going to live with them.

Both of them were lying on their bed, staring at the ceiling. It had been a tiring day moving Kokichi's belongings from his apartment to the house, especially since they opted not to hire a mover. They spent the entire day helping Kokichi pack his things and carrying them back to the house, then unpacking them one by one. There were still some boxes left untouched, but they could get to that tomorrow. Shuichi's muscles were burning. He needed to rest.

"I just can't believe it's been more than five years," Kokichi reminisced. "It seems like yesterday when we first met again."

"Even though we can't get married in Japan, I still want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you, Kokichi."

Kokichi never could say those words out loud easily because it was just the way he was. He had never been one to be direct and use words to get what he wanted or express how he felt, but it was fine. Because when Kokichi reached out to entwine his fingers in Shuichi's, Shuichi understood all the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, that's the end. Thanks for staying on this piece of trash until now. Writing this fic has made me want to quit drinking, but it's really hard. I'll do my best though.

**Author's Note:**

> You can skip this shit if you want, it's not important.
> 
> Believe it or not, the inspiration for this fic was not the Akamatsu and Saihara's relationship salt. It was actually... role reversal. What?! Alright but hear me out. In every single fic out there, Ouma is the one with the grey morality while Saihara is the 'good' guy trying to understand him. This time, I wanted it the other way around. Saihara has grey morality, while Ouma is the 'good' guy.
> 
> Saihara is noticeably OOC in this fic. As a Remnant (an outcast of society) and a widower, he would of course be a little (lot) more jaded than he is in canon. He has a shorter fuse than in canon because he hasn't been coping well with anything. The death of his wife, the stress of taking care of a kid, being an outcast in society (don't even talk about being a Remnant, being a single father is enough to bring shame on your entire family in Asia lmao).
> 
> He is slightly crueler and darker, as seen with his detective work where he doesn't work for the law but he works with the law to subvert the law (does that make sense?), and a few other things (his connection with the Kuzuryu group, and his willingness to use underhanded tactics to protect his daughter). Debatable that he was already like that in canon (perjury is the entire basis for it) but this is a much more exaggerated version. He does still maintain what makes him him, such as caring about the people he loves the most and, as he develops feelings for Ouma, his shyness. He is also supposed to get noticeable less OOC after chapter 6 and back to his 'normal' self as he recovers from his alcoholism.
> 
> Since the fic is from Saihara's POV, I didn't want his alcoholism to be that noticeable until midway through the story. The thing with some unhealthy coping mechanisms is you don't realize you're doing it until someone else points it out. I was really really reluctant to tag alcoholism because of this but like... oh well. There are some points that hint that he was a recovering alcoholic before it is outright stated ("Shiori doesn't like it when I drink", bringing one beer for Ouma in the first meeting in chapter 3 and not for himself) but I didn't want it to be too in your face. I wanted him to try to dig himself out of his rut in the six years since Akamatsu's death, but I also wanted him to take a step back during the course of the fic because a lot of people relapse during recovery.
> 
> I think I could have done better with Saihara's characterization. He was meant to be OOC, yes, but I think I made it too over the top. I think I'll go back and edit that, especially with the earlier chapters.
> 
> Now, why alcoholism? Because I wanted to show that he wasn't coping well, but there's no way Saihara will commit suicide with a kid relying on him. There are a lot of ways to be self destructive other than self harm. Smoking and alcohol abuse are two unhealthy coping mechanisms I see a lot in middle aged adults especially, so that's what I went with. It's not over the top dramatic like screaming and kicking like I see in some stories (I don't like that tbh :/), it's pretty common and relatable (at least for people above a certain age), so yeah.
> 
> I didn't want Shiori to just be a prop to bring Saihara and Ouma together. I wanted to give her character depth as well, which explains why she cries so much about her mother's death and Harukawa's pregnancy. I didn't want to fuck her up completely like the Warriors of Hope with their parents, but I also didn't want her to have a completely smooth childhood. I wanted Saihara to try and be a good dad to her but also make mistakes along the way, and I wanted Shiori to know that her dad was trying his hardest and love him despite his flaws. I think I did pretty okay with her tbh. She didn't turn out cringey or anything, and some people actually comment that she's cute.
> 
> Ouma, on the other hand, was interesting. I wanted him to retain his compulsive lying but I also wanted him to be tired of his own lying. Actually why am I talking about Ouma? I'll do Ouma's part when I'm done with 'homewrecker'. His story ain't over yet.
> 
> Every time someone comments that they like this, it's beautiful writing, blah blah blah I die a little inside because the guilt is crushing me... like a hydraulic press. I don't know why you people like this fic. I wrote the first half while drunk. I only started putting in effort at chapter 6? 7? I tried to edit the first few chapters but I started cringing so hard I had to stop. Maybe one day.


End file.
